Go with the Flow

Hey y'all,

Did quite a bit of communication by phone today.

First I called my mom, who lives out in the Midwest.
Her: "Are you calling about the tornadoes?"
Me: "What tornadoes?"
So, I hadn't checked the news yet. Apparently a series of tornadoes swept across the Midwest this morning, did a lot of damage and caused some deaths. Luckily my parents are fine.

Then, while at work, I received a text. It was from Jake! He was asking how my last improv acting class was last night. Well . . .
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Last night was fun, and a little bittersweet. But, one of my fellow students plans to open up her house to us periodically so we can continue practicing improv. In addition, after class I walked and talked with a couple friends, including 'Demetri,' the trainer friend who had apparently ditched me the other week. I had since added him on Facebook and he had sent me a friendly wall post, so I knew we were good. Honesty, he may have just not even seen me that day, I don't know. Sometimes I get a little too sensitive about how I'm perceived by others. In any case, Demetri invited me and another guy to go for a drink after class, so the three of us hung out for a while. The two of them started talking about girls and inevitably asked me whether I was dating at the moment. I just said no, not right now. No need to complicate matters, haha. I did find myself wanting to relate to them though . . . once again I could feel the doubt creep in, the wonder about whether I couldn't just make it work with a girl . . . Anyways, Demetri dropped me off at my car afterward and said to keep in touch. And I plan to. I love making new friends!
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Anyways, back to today. And no, I didn't text Jake all of that. But we did start texting back and forth for several hours, something I rarely do. At one point he said he was in between flights at the airport, so I decided to surprise him by calling him on my lunch break. Unfortunately he didn't pick up . . . turned out he was eating lunch with colleagues. But later on he called me back and we actually talked for the first time. Gotta love his accent! And he was pleased that I didn't have a feminine quality to my voice (not something he's attracted to). I couldn't talk long before I had to go back to work, but we continued texting until he had to board his flight. It'll still be another week and a half before he returns to California. That's going to be an interesting meeting . . . through all the emails, texts, and phone calls we're going to know so much about each other already, haha!

We have an interesting thing in common. I've written before about how Mike Manning's story on The Real World DC was so helpful to me. Mike is a bisexual guy who used his time in DC as his first time to really get out and explore his gay side. He's attractive, masculine, and just an all-around normal guy. Seeing him and his laid-back attitude toward sexuality definitely helped me in my journey toward coming to terms with being attracted to guys. Turns out, Jake watched that season too, and was helped in the same way!

A short while ago I talked to my youngest cousin on the phone for 2 hours. We used to have really great conversations quite often, but he's been pretty busy with work. So, it was nice to talk like old times. I opened up to him about Jake, rather apprehensively at first but then I just let it flow. I told him how I was worried that by the end of Jake's 2.5 weeks away my expectations would be so high that I would be devastated if we didn't hit it off in person. His advice: go with the flow. It's true . . . if there's one lesson to be learned from all of this, it's go with the flow. It's what I learned from Mike Manning. It's what I learned from YouTube Guy. It's what I learned from the About.com thread and my pen pal Mike. It's what I worked on improving in my improv class. Go with the flow.

 

Jake I've got your number

How do you like that title, a little throwback to one of my first entries?

The correspondence with Jake has continued. Yesterday I gchatted with him awhile and shared with him my super-secret YouTube videos of me playing guitar. He was impressed :-)  He gave me his number and we texted a bit today. Ugh, the 10th is so far away (that's when he's back in town)! I really want to meet him in person. He seems like a really cool guy, so I really hope we click in real life. I know I just started this game though, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. This trip of his definitely has made an interesting situation. Here we are trading all these emails back and forth, asking and answering questions . . . hopefully we'll still have things to talk about when we meet! Hopefully there'll be chemistry, mutual attraction.

I was never this enthusiastic about dating girls. Hmm . . .

Like Christmas in my inbox

Between Match and messages from various online friends, my email inbox is definitely a lot more lively lately. I've been corresponding with three guys on Match though Jake is the one I'm most excited about. We've been exchanging very lengthy emails. He seems like a really great guy, and I look forward to him returning from his business trip so we can actually meet in person. It also sounds like he came to terms with his sexuality and came out relatively recently (over the last couple years), which takes loads of pressure off of me. I was worried that not being "out" enough or for long enough would be an obstacle for me, but it doesn't seem like that would be the case with this guy. It had been a couple of days since I'd last responded to him, so I was very excited to get an email from him tonight.

I also got an email today from one of my best friends, let's call him Steve. Steve's in the military, so I barely ever see him. In fact, we were only friends for the last two quarters of college before he moved out of California. But somehow (largely due to the wonders of the internet and Xbox Live) we managed to become closer friends despite the distance. One of the great things about Steve is that he'll periodically check in with me, usually via email. All my life I've constantly had to be the one to maintain contact with friends, even close friends. Heck, even family members like my sisters and cousins will go weeks and weeks without calling me, so I'm always the first to call them. I've largely accepted this as my role, and have learned to not take it personally.  At the same time, I always greatly appreciate it when a friend is the first to contact me. Steve is good about that. So hearing from him was a treat today.

Then I also got an email from Mike, my email pen pal I wrote about previously.  He's been non-stop travelling so it'd been a while since I'd heard from him. Shortly after I sent off my response to Jake I found Mike's message waiting in my inbox. Again I got excited, as his messages are always fun to read.  So basically, it was like Christmas morning in my email inbox today.

The latest from acting class and a guy named "Jake"

Next week is the last of my improv classes for this session. I didn't find this session quite as enjoyable as the first . . . we didn't get to do quite as much. But, it was still helpful. And I really love the other students. I love the diversity of ages, professions . . . it's a really cool and fun group. I had a little bit of a disappointment today though . . . There's a guy in the class who's about my age. He's a really nice guy and extremely buff (he's a personal trainer). From his appearance you wouldn't think it, but he's actually quite an introvert. We went to the same school for undergrad and we're both at stages in our lives where we're evaluating what we want the rest of our lives to look like. Consequently we had some good conversations after a couple classes. Since we park in the same location, we made it a point a couple times to walk back together so we can chat. Tonight he didn't wait . . . he knew I was coming out right behind him and he left anyway . . . Now there could be a million simple reasons for that. Maybe he had somewhere he needed to be. Maybe he has other things on his mind (hard to tell with him, he doesn't participate much in class and his shy nature makes him somewhat mysterious). Whatever the case may be, it definitely elicited a bit of an emotional response from me. Why should I take such a thing personally? And show of hands . . . how many would take this reaction as a sign of gayness, just wondering :-)

I also had a nice thing happen though. The person I DID talk to after class was an older guy, a lawyer probably in his late fifties/early sixties. He's really into acting and writing. He complemented me on my performance in one of the improv activities, said I had a good mind for it and asked if I'd ever been into writing or if I was planning to continue with acting. I do plan to continue with improv at least, in some capacity. Maybe take another class in the summer or try out for a local troupe or something. Or maybe just join a club when I continue my education. In any case, it was nice to be complemented. I realize that I seem to have a hard time recognizing when I'm good at something unless someone else tells me I am.  That's what being overly modest and self-critical does to you, I guess.

I've been corresponding further with the Aussie Guy. Let's give him a name, how about Jake, that sounds like an Australian name, haha.  He seems really cool, I like him!  Now, in his latest email he asked me the dreaded question . . . "how long have you been out?" That's kind of my fault, I had asked him a question based on something he said in a previous email, and it kind of led to him asking me this. I'll tell him the truth, and I don't expect he'll have a problem with it since he came out relatively recently himself. Basically, I'm as good as out to my three cousins, my mom, and my friend (Janice). I'm on the verge of telling at least two other friends. If I actually find a guy I like and start dating him, there's nothing stopping me from going further other than nerves. And I know you all will help me with that problem, won't you? Encouraging energy, everyone.  :-)

Interesting Day

So, I'm not going to do anything about the old school friend on Match. We were only friends in elementary school, went to different middle schools, and frankly I found out only recently that he went to my high school (we never had any classes together . . . maybe he didn't go all four years? I don't know).  In any case, I've made a big step in signing up on that website, and I'm not about to backtrack.

On that topic, I went on what I guess was my very first date with a guy today. He had messaged me on Match and we had corresponded back and forth. He seemed like a cool guy and we strangely enough had the same combination of majors in college, so I decided to ask him to meet up in person. We met in the city where he lives and ate lunch at a place on the ocean. Really nice place. He was cool, nice guy. I didn't really feel much chemistry though. But that's okay, I'm mostly in it to make friends right now. I'm thinking he felt the same way, as he suggested we hang out again sometime.

After that I talked on the phone with YouTube Guy for quite some time. I'm not used to talking so openly about topics such as sex, topics that used to be so taboo in my mind! I distinctly remember telling one of my good friends back in college that I was uncomfortable talking about sex. I was very repressed I guess. It's nice to be opening up finally.

I've also been corresponding with another guy on Match.  This one lives in my city and is from Australia!  Already the communication seems to be a bit more natural than with the first guy, and we have a lot in common.  And did I mention he's from Australia?  He's going out of town on a business trip for the next 2 weeks so any meet ups will have to wait, but he suggested we chat online during that time.

Oh, and he's from Australia. Best accent in the world.

G'night mates!

Red Alert

Oh shoot, just what I feared has happened. Someone I knew back in elementary school just joined Match. If he sees my profile he'll likely recognize me and then the word will get out before I'm ready . . . Boo. Not sure what to do.

In other news, I'm going to meet up with someone I've been chatting with. I was open with him about taking things slow, right now I'm just looking for friends. So, we'll see how that goes.

It's called Acting

I'm still really enjoying my improv acting class, though it is nearing its end. Yesterday I had kind of an awkward moment. When we were sharing stories about our week at the beginning of class, somehow the conversation shifted to LGBT issues. At one point, the teacher somewhat jokingly asked for a show of hands: "Has anyone ever questioned their sexuality?"

Me to myself: "Umm . . . right here . . ."

Later on, I was playing a teenage guy who was at a party, in a room alone with a girl who liked him. One of the rules of improv is "Yes and," meaning you have to go along with whatever information the other actors introduce to the scene. Wouldn't you know that one of the other people in the scene decided to endow my character with being gay. No big deal . . . I just played it like I felt really awkward being alone with the girl, and much preferred to go seek out my football player friend. But later the teacher questioned why I didn't camp it up a bit, throw in a little "fabulous" or something. I muttered to the person next to me, "Because I didn't want to be a stereotype." She agreed, but the teacher heard me. He said that sometimes in improv you want to make use of stereotypes, I guess to make the scene more interesting.

However, another thing he said during class is that whenever possible you should bring things into a scene from your own life. Being a closeted, masculine-acting guy who would be a little awkward around a girl who wanted to jump his bones? Why, I can do that!

I'm thinking the teacher is a bit old-fashioned. Personally, I'm not a fan of stereotypical portrayals of gay people. I find it much more interesting when you have a character like Max on "Happy Endings," someone who doesn't fit the stereotypical mold. Of course, some gay guys do exhibit more feminine or flamboyant traits in real life, so I'm not saying such characters should be eliminated. I just prefer a balance. For every Jack, there should be a Will. For every Kurt, there should be a Blaine. It seems that this is the current trend, which is nice.