Invisible touch

Haha, this entry's title is a stretch. I wanted to make a follow up entry to the last one. Since the visible touching is what "overwhelmed" my bro-in-law, it seems they want us to somehow invisibly touch, ha ha! So there you have it, the song of the day.

Thanks for your comments, guys. I feel like I want to clarify some things, just in case i wasn't clear enough before. First of all, my sister only told me about her and her husband's reaction because I raised the issue, having been told by my mom. She didn't make any requests of me to tone it down. It was my mom that asked that I take my time with showing physical intimacy with Ben when first introducing him to family. I'd say "bigotry" is a rather strong word for this situation.

Basically, most of my family is very conservative. Not religiously conservative for the most part, just rather traditional. They have very little experience with homosexuality. My mom, when she suggested I slow it down, even said that "it shouldn't be this way," referring to the double standard (i.e., if it had been me with a girl no one would have had a problem with me getting "touchy feely," especially if it was something so simple as an arm around the shoulder or a hand on the leg.

My sister is an amazing person, and she took my coming out very well. My bro-in-law is kind of a stereotypically "macho" kind of guy, so I understand if he has homophobia to deal with. My sister only told him about Ben and me a couple weeks ago. He probably needs some time to readjust to this new information, so I'm willing to give that to him. He sure has selflessly helped me out many many times.

I guess the way I feel is this: I was disappointed by their reaction but I don't blame them for it. If anything I overestimated their ability to adjust, but everyone's different. I'll give them time to get to know Ben better, and will probably also sit them down and have a talk at some point (definitely avoiding words like 'bigotry' and 'homophobia' though, haha). I'm not sure that the best course of action would be to act with Ben exactly as I would act if he were a girl, at least not right away, because we just don't live in that ideal world (yet). As for my nephew and niece, I guess I'll defer to my sister as far as the timing of giving them a talk.

As for how they'll get "used to it"? Well, I guess after they've had a while to get to know Ben I might gradually start ramping up the minor PDA and see how it goes over.

Last order of business: check out http://broandcollege.blogspot.com/, a new blog by a guy I've been chatting with online.

Take care everyone!

Don't stand so close to me

First of all, before I get into this post I want to say how saddened I am by the tragedy that happened in Aurora, Colorado . . . such a horrible, senseless act, and in a place where people go to escape the worries and fears of the world for a while.

As for me, I'm doing well. I had a birthday this week. Another year older. Ben made me a BBQ chicken pizza and homemade hummus, both of which were great. He also gave me a framed picture of the two of us. He is seriously the sweetest, most thoughtful guy.

Now, for the reason behind the title of today's post. Today I spoke with my mom on the phone and she told me what my sister had said about meeting Ben last weekend. Apparently my sister was a bit "surprised" at how comfortable I was showing affection with Ben during this, her family's first meeting with him, and my brother-in-law was a bit bothered by how "touchy-feely" we were. My mom suggested that I should take other people's feelings into account more, and not jump into showing overt displays of affection before giving them a time to get used to seeing me with a guy.

While I understand the issue, I was a little upset by how my mom chose to word it. I try very hard to always take other peoples' feelings into account. My ability to do so is something I take pride in, and I was a little pissed that my mom suggested I was being at all insensitive. Ben and I definitely did tone it down when we were visiting my sister and her family. We were even sitting on separate couches for a while. I hardly even remember what we did do, but apparently I went over to his couch at one point and put my arm around him. Big deal, my brother-in-law has seen me do a heck of a lot more with my cousins, haha. Uhh . . . don't take that the wrong way.

I spoke to my sister later on to clarify the situation, but she pretty much said what my mom had said. She was "surprised" and her husband was slightly "overwhelmed." I explained to her that I'd been dealing with this for a long time, and had been so paranoid about what their reaction would be, that when I found out they were okay with it I guess I overcompensated a bit, especially when my other sister and her boyfriend (the ones we went biking and wine tasting with) were so cool and laid back about it. I guess "okay" is a continuum.

In any case, we cleared the air and from now on I guess I'll keep my hands to myself around them, at least for now. Not sure how to know when it's okay to show affection, though. When will they be "used to it"? And will they give me an announcement when that happens?  "Okay, we're used to it, go ahead and put your arm around him now." I guess I just have to give them more time to get to know Ben. Apparently my nephew and niece haven't actually been told the nature of my relationship with Ben, they just thought we were friends (though I'm sure my teenage nephew probably suspects the truth).

In the end they were still for the most part great about everything, I totally understand about cutting them some slack . . . I guess I was just a little disappointed (and frankly embarrassed) that I made them feel uncomfortable.

Stars

Things are still going really well with Ben. The last two weekends continued the trend of us filling our days together with all sorts of fun activities. The first weekend we did karaoke, went to a rock show, and went hiking in Malibu. The second weekend we went kayaking, went to another rock show, and went wine tasting with my sister and her bf. After that we had dinner with my other sister and her family, including my nephew and niece. That was pretty awkward, as my sister is the one who told my brother-in-law and her kids about Ben, so I wasn't able to control the way it was done. But it went well, everyone was nice and seemed to like Ben. My niece was her usual adorable self. And my nephew was his usual . . . uh, teenage self.

Out of all our activities, though, I must say that one of the most memorable moments was a quiet one. I asked Ben to come out on my sister's trampoline and stargaze with me. It was late, probably close to 1 AM. The sky was amazingly clear (we were quite far inland, away from the big city lights). We even saw some shooting stars! I alternated staring up into space and cuddling with Ben. It was an amazing, relaxing experience, and neither of us are quite sure how long we laid there.

Next on the horizon: a movie extravaganza this weekend with my friends (Batman and Spiderman in one day, alright!!!), a weekend trip later in the month, and a visit from my parents in August. My parents' visit actually overlaps a bit with a visit from Ben's mom, so we may be playing a bit of Meet the Parents soon . . . it's still so early in our relationship for that, but it's kind of hard to control when our parents live so far away. When they come, they come!

Ten years gone

Saturday night was my 10 year high school reunion. And Ben was my plus one.

I was a bit nervous of course, but as with most of these situations I like Ben so much that it really helps to relieve much of my anxiety. I didn't exactly go around introducing him to people as my boyfriend, but it became pretty obvious for everyone soon enough.

It couldn't have gone better. We got all sorts of compliments: "Your boyfriend is really cute," "You guys are so cute together," "I'm so happy you brought him!" I also got the inevitable "I had no idea you were gay!" My response: "I didn't either." Ha ha. Then there was the girl who decided to express her enthusiastic support for gay marriage. One girl shared her opinion that we seemed like we would be together for a long time, which was sweet. There was another gay guy there who was very happy that he wasn't the only one. He took the liberty of grinding up against both Ben and me on the dance floor. Not exactly my comfort zone but I sort of went with it, haha. Ben was a big hit. He's such a friendly, outgoing guy that he got along real well with everybody. And when he took to the dance floor to belt out Bon Jovi during karaoke time a bunch of girls joined him to dance. We also did a duet of "Under Pressure," with him doing the Freddie Mercury part and me doing the David Bowie part. So much fun. And now the cat is out of the bag with a good portion of my former classmates. I told him, "Because of you, I feel like I'm experiencing a level of popularity I never had in high school!"

In addition to that, we also spent time with some of my friends and family members. Ben finally got to meet Rick, who is one of my closest friends. They got along really well. We also went bike riding with my sister and her boyfriend, which was great. I think they both really liked Ben.

Overall it was (yet another) amazing weekend. We spent nearly every waking and sleeping hour together. And because of the holiday this week, it won't be long at all before I see him again. I will most likely drive to his place tomorrow night after work.

This weekend definitely made my comfort level go up dramatically.