Anyways, it's been a (relatively) long time since I posted, especially after my record posting habits in the first half of this year.
Ben and I are just about at the four month mark. Pretty much the only issue we have faced in our relationship thus far is trying to come to a consensus about the right amount of affection to show each other when in public or around friends and family. This became a conscious issue because of my family, but lately I started feeling like Ben had taken their criticism (well in some cases more like observations) too much to heart. It got to the point where I was feeling like I was the only one initiating any kind of affection, which made me worry about Ben's feelings toward me.
Over the weekend I decided to open up about it. Ben acknowledged that he does get self conscious about showing affection around others, especially when the two of us are hanging around one other friend that might feel like a third wheel. What do you guys think, what's the appropriate amount of PDA to show? Should you "tone it down" out of a courtesy to others around you who might not be fortunate enough to be in a relationship like you? Mind you, I'm not saying the normal level is making out in public or anything. Basically in public I just like to put my arm around his shoulders, or around his waist, and maybe sneak a little peck when no one seems to be paying attention. I feel like if I were to follow Ben's lead, we would be indistinguishable from a pair of good friends. Which in certain settings of questionable safety, is a good thing. But everywhere?
The place where I really got self conscious about it was in the movie theater. A darkened movie theater is so closely associated with affection between lovers that it's almost cliche. But all my attempts to hold hands, rest my head on his shoulder or rest my hand on his leg met with no reaction. Later he said it was because we were with my friend (let it be noted he wasn't sitting between us or anything!)
Anyways, I opened up about what was bothering me. Ben thanked me for being honest and felt bad that I felt that way over the whole weekend. He said that it was the presence of my friend that he was conscious about. I suggested that since I've been working on "toning down" my PDA to make him feel more comfortable, maybe he could "tone up" his a little bit. I said that I liked that little bit of reassurance every once and a while, and hoped that didn't make me seem overly needy. He said no, that he had heard that such reassurance is a common desire in relationships.
Basically we've agreed to try to meet in the middle to find a place that is comfortable for both of us. Since our conversation made me feel so much better (and really energized our feelings for each other) I suggested we make it a regular practice to have little "state of the relationship" chats, a time when we could bring up any issues that were bothering us, or remind each other about how much we mean to each other. He agreed that could be a good idea. What do you think?
To recap my questions to you:
1) How much affection is appropriate when out in public? When around friends? When around one single friend?
2) Do you think have fairly regular chats about the state of the relationship is a good idea?
