This dating thing gets crazy sometimes.
Earlier this week I felt a little inundated with messages on OKCupid. At one point it seemed like no sooner did I finish replying to one message that another would come. It has calmed down now, I don't know what the heck was going on.
Then one guy I had been corresponding with IMed me. He seemed like a pretty nice guy. At one point he mentioned how he wanted to crawl into bed, and I agreed that that sounded good. Of course that opened the door to him being a little more directly flirtatious, and he suggested I join him. Throughout the conversation it kept going back to that. I was pretty honest with him about how inexperienced I am. Having been burned by that with Ben I was half expecting the same thing. Instead it just seemed to make this guy more interested. He said my virginity made him respect me more. I don't know, seems to me like this guy would like to be the one to deflower this little virgin, haha. But I'm not quite ready for that . . . call me old fashioned but I'd like to wait for someone I actually have feelings for.
Meanwhile while chatting with him I got another IM from some random guy in Maryland who has eventual plans to move to So Cal. It was late so I had to cut that conversation short, but before I logged off he asked if he could have my Facebook or Skype name. Really dude? I suggested we just stick to the website for now. Kinda weird.
On the other hand there's quite a few guys I'm corresponding with that I think are cute and seem interesting, so we'll see where that goes. They all live kind of far though. Tonight I went out with Guy # 8, who lives pretty close. The physical attraction wasn't too high (honestly I haven't really been too attracted to anyone I've gone out with other than Ben, am I too picky?) but we got along great. Our conversation probably ranked near the top of the first dates so far. One interesting development: this guy used to date Aaron. For six months. When he mentioned Aaron's name I tried my best to keep a poker face and he didn't notice. Apparently this guy ended up breaking up with Aaron because he got too needy and clingy. Interesting. And I'm going hiking with Aaron this weekend, which will be the third time we meet up. I was already thinking of giving him the "friend talk" and I think this revelation might just seal the deal. Just need to figure out how to do it. Maybe I should ask Ben for pointers, haha.
Really I just can't stop thinking about Ben and how much I enjoyed spending Sunday with him. I really need to open my mind to other guys because it ain't gonna happen with him, at least, not anytime soon.
In other news, I'm going to meet up with Jake for the first time since the "no spark" text. We're going to go see a movie this weekend. I talked to him on the phone the other night, which was nice. We had communicated so intensely for that 2 1/2 weeks that it was quite strange to just mostly cut off contact after that.
Also, I talked to my longtime friend who is gay and told him about my dating exploits. He was completely surprised, and very impressed. He said I've dated more guys than he has!
Yeah, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed right now. I have Aaron and another guy who are interested in me, and now this guy from tonight has already texted me wanting to meet up again. I wish I felt more of a connection to one of them, more than just a friend connection. If it weren't for Ben I would be totally questioning this whole gay thing right about now. Oh well, just gotta keep chugging.
Double whammy of music today. I guess a lot of people get in over their heads.
9 comments:
You are so cute it is not even funny. You are attracting these guys because your new. Just enjoy the ride. I don't know if you consider yourself a 10, but you seem hung up on the attraction. I have not seen the guys you pick. But I warn you, looks fade, and dumb is forever. Haha.
Maybe you should tell Ben, that he gets your motor going. He might look at you differently if he, knew how you feel. Maybe forward him the blog entry. Haha.
I wish u luck.
Grindr is werid too.
S.
There's lot of guys out there looking for love wishing they were in your position, in all the attention you are getting.
Why are you questioning if you truly are gay? Have you ever hugged or kissed any of these guys? What the feeling you get from that? Perhaps for you, you have to make the emotional connection first before the physical lust appears. Or maybe you are just over thinking things. As long as you get an emotional high, the physical aspects will follow.
Wow, I'm jealous!!!
While you should never feel obligated to go on a date with someone, don't be afraid to give someone a chance - sometimes you get a completely different feel from people in person. That was definitely the case with my first "boyfriend" if you can even call him that.
My little protege... that sounded like me at one point! Enjoy it while it lasts!
@Steve: :-) Nah I definitely wouldn't consider myself a 10. But the attention has definitely made me feel a bit better about myself. I've rarely felt "desirable" before. And I'm definitely not just in it for looks. But physical attraction is important, or so they say. If it's not a factor I might as well just date girls.
I'm kind of keeping my feelings for Ben close to my chest for now. I want to hang out with him more, solidify our friendship a little bit, and date some more. But yeah, I'd really like for him to give me a shot, inexperienced or not.
@fan of casey: Yeah, I know this is totally not something I should be complaining about. "Oh woe is me, I have too many guys interested in me." I am glad for the attention, and the chance to get to know several different people.
I have hugged them but no kisses (other than the kiss on the cheek that Ben gave me at the end of the 2nd date, which was nice). It's the intimacy barrier that I'm going to have to figure out how to cross at some point. And yes, I agree that I over-think things, it's my nature. Hopefully you're right, that I will feel the attraction with the right person.
@El Genio: Yeah I agree. There's been a couple of guys that I met up with even though their profile left me a little ambivalent. In person they turned out better looking than their picture suggested and they were actually pretty cool. Basically I'm going by the three date rule . . . if by the third date I'm not really "feeling" it, then I place them in the friend zone, at least for now.
@Mike: Haha, thanks sensei. You've been following this blog for a long time, I appreciate it man!
Aww, this is cute. :-)
If only we were all so lucky (::is jealous::). Keep it all in stride, as you have been all along. Don't hesitate to seize things at the right moment.
Here's hoping that you meet someone who makes you go for him!
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