The latest from acting class and a guy named "Jake"

Next week is the last of my improv classes for this session. I didn't find this session quite as enjoyable as the first . . . we didn't get to do quite as much. But, it was still helpful. And I really love the other students. I love the diversity of ages, professions . . . it's a really cool and fun group. I had a little bit of a disappointment today though . . . There's a guy in the class who's about my age. He's a really nice guy and extremely buff (he's a personal trainer). From his appearance you wouldn't think it, but he's actually quite an introvert. We went to the same school for undergrad and we're both at stages in our lives where we're evaluating what we want the rest of our lives to look like. Consequently we had some good conversations after a couple classes. Since we park in the same location, we made it a point a couple times to walk back together so we can chat. Tonight he didn't wait . . . he knew I was coming out right behind him and he left anyway . . . Now there could be a million simple reasons for that. Maybe he had somewhere he needed to be. Maybe he has other things on his mind (hard to tell with him, he doesn't participate much in class and his shy nature makes him somewhat mysterious). Whatever the case may be, it definitely elicited a bit of an emotional response from me. Why should I take such a thing personally? And show of hands . . . how many would take this reaction as a sign of gayness, just wondering :-)

I also had a nice thing happen though. The person I DID talk to after class was an older guy, a lawyer probably in his late fifties/early sixties. He's really into acting and writing. He complemented me on my performance in one of the improv activities, said I had a good mind for it and asked if I'd ever been into writing or if I was planning to continue with acting. I do plan to continue with improv at least, in some capacity. Maybe take another class in the summer or try out for a local troupe or something. Or maybe just join a club when I continue my education. In any case, it was nice to be complemented. I realize that I seem to have a hard time recognizing when I'm good at something unless someone else tells me I am.  That's what being overly modest and self-critical does to you, I guess.

I've been corresponding further with the Aussie Guy. Let's give him a name, how about Jake, that sounds like an Australian name, haha.  He seems really cool, I like him!  Now, in his latest email he asked me the dreaded question . . . "how long have you been out?" That's kind of my fault, I had asked him a question based on something he said in a previous email, and it kind of led to him asking me this. I'll tell him the truth, and I don't expect he'll have a problem with it since he came out relatively recently himself. Basically, I'm as good as out to my three cousins, my mom, and my friend (Janice). I'm on the verge of telling at least two other friends. If I actually find a guy I like and start dating him, there's nothing stopping me from going further other than nerves. And I know you all will help me with that problem, won't you? Encouraging energy, everyone.  :-)

Interesting Day

So, I'm not going to do anything about the old school friend on Match. We were only friends in elementary school, went to different middle schools, and frankly I found out only recently that he went to my high school (we never had any classes together . . . maybe he didn't go all four years? I don't know).  In any case, I've made a big step in signing up on that website, and I'm not about to backtrack.

On that topic, I went on what I guess was my very first date with a guy today. He had messaged me on Match and we had corresponded back and forth. He seemed like a cool guy and we strangely enough had the same combination of majors in college, so I decided to ask him to meet up in person. We met in the city where he lives and ate lunch at a place on the ocean. Really nice place. He was cool, nice guy. I didn't really feel much chemistry though. But that's okay, I'm mostly in it to make friends right now. I'm thinking he felt the same way, as he suggested we hang out again sometime.

After that I talked on the phone with YouTube Guy for quite some time. I'm not used to talking so openly about topics such as sex, topics that used to be so taboo in my mind! I distinctly remember telling one of my good friends back in college that I was uncomfortable talking about sex. I was very repressed I guess. It's nice to be opening up finally.

I've also been corresponding with another guy on Match.  This one lives in my city and is from Australia!  Already the communication seems to be a bit more natural than with the first guy, and we have a lot in common.  And did I mention he's from Australia?  He's going out of town on a business trip for the next 2 weeks so any meet ups will have to wait, but he suggested we chat online during that time.

Oh, and he's from Australia. Best accent in the world.

G'night mates!

Red Alert

Oh shoot, just what I feared has happened. Someone I knew back in elementary school just joined Match. If he sees my profile he'll likely recognize me and then the word will get out before I'm ready . . . Boo. Not sure what to do.

In other news, I'm going to meet up with someone I've been chatting with. I was open with him about taking things slow, right now I'm just looking for friends. So, we'll see how that goes.

It's called Acting

I'm still really enjoying my improv acting class, though it is nearing its end. Yesterday I had kind of an awkward moment. When we were sharing stories about our week at the beginning of class, somehow the conversation shifted to LGBT issues. At one point, the teacher somewhat jokingly asked for a show of hands: "Has anyone ever questioned their sexuality?"

Me to myself: "Umm . . . right here . . ."

Later on, I was playing a teenage guy who was at a party, in a room alone with a girl who liked him. One of the rules of improv is "Yes and," meaning you have to go along with whatever information the other actors introduce to the scene. Wouldn't you know that one of the other people in the scene decided to endow my character with being gay. No big deal . . . I just played it like I felt really awkward being alone with the girl, and much preferred to go seek out my football player friend. But later the teacher questioned why I didn't camp it up a bit, throw in a little "fabulous" or something. I muttered to the person next to me, "Because I didn't want to be a stereotype." She agreed, but the teacher heard me. He said that sometimes in improv you want to make use of stereotypes, I guess to make the scene more interesting.

However, another thing he said during class is that whenever possible you should bring things into a scene from your own life. Being a closeted, masculine-acting guy who would be a little awkward around a girl who wanted to jump his bones? Why, I can do that!

I'm thinking the teacher is a bit old-fashioned. Personally, I'm not a fan of stereotypical portrayals of gay people. I find it much more interesting when you have a character like Max on "Happy Endings," someone who doesn't fit the stereotypical mold. Of course, some gay guys do exhibit more feminine or flamboyant traits in real life, so I'm not saying such characters should be eliminated. I just prefer a balance. For every Jack, there should be a Will. For every Kurt, there should be a Blaine. It seems that this is the current trend, which is nice.

White Collar Man

I just read today that Matthew Bomer, star of "White Collar" (and up-coming beefcake fest "Magic Mike") casually outed himself as part of an award acceptance speech. He thanked his family, including his partner Simon and their kids. Way to go! Um, why don't I watch that show again?

In other Bomer news, apparently he's going to play the older brother of Darren Criss's character on Glee. Two of the hottest TV stars in the same episode . . . guess I'm gonna have to watch me some Glee.

Oh, and anyone know what band/song I'm referencing with the title of this post? Bonus points if you get it.

Playing with Matches

All of my correspondence with various people recently (YouTube guy, Mike from About.com, El Genio, various bloggers) has emboldened me to take a pretty scary step. I decided to upload photos onto the Match profile. I've gotten a number of "winks" and a few emails, but sadly not from many guys that I've found attractive. There was one guy who lives pretty close and is really good looking who messaged me, but unfortunately he didn't respond when I wrote him back. This dating website thing is frustrating! I've sent a few emails to guys in the hopes that they will respond. I really just want to try going out with a guy or two, to see what it's like. Hopefully it won't be too obvious that I'm a noob when it comes to dating (let alone dating guys, haha).

I had a video chat with YouTube guy last weekend, that was cool (webcam sound difficulties notwithstanding).  We're both in the process of figuring ourselves out right now. He has aspirations to move to CA at some point, maybe he'll be a real life friend someday!

Be sure to check out my posting about the Prop 8 decision in California over at this link http://mascbgdudes.blogspot.com/2012/02/prop-8.html. Feel free to comment!

Doing alright

It's been a rather up and down week, but tonight I feel pretty good.  This week I had really good conversations with not one but two amazingly attractive guys.  Both straight, but it was just nice to make some new friends while recognizing the attraction I had for them.  In addition, all of the conversations I've been having online (and in person) with gay and bi guys lately are definitely making me feel more comfortable.

Best yet, lately I've been feeling like there may be hope for me yet in the sexual realm.  I don't know if it's the testosterone, my efforts to get rid of any lingering stigmas about sex in my psyche (e.g., I've been trying to see what all the fuss about this thing called "porn" is, haha), or increasing confidence, but I don't feel quite as asexual as I used to.  Still not to horndog levels, and I'll probably never get there, but I'm just happy for what seems like an improvement.  I even had another sexual dream within the last week, and this time it involved a guy.  Guess my sleeping brain swings both ways.