Do Ask Do Tell

Great to hear that Don't Ask Don't Tell is officially repealed. We expect our soldiers to uphold strong moral values, and one of those is honesty. Forcing our troops to lie about themselves should not be the American way (and isn't any more)! By the way, if you haven't seen this yet, check it out http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2011/09/20/7859855-gay-soldier-comes-out-to-dad-live-on-youtube

Number 4 on our countdown of Hot Guys from Reality TV comes from a show from a couple years ago called "Make Me a Supermodel." He's the first gay man on this list (but won't be the last). He was most notable for his onscreen bromance with a straight guy named Ben. His unrequited feelings for Ben led into a really interesting close friendship. I give you, Ronnie Kroell (looking a lot buffer than he used to, damn)!

New job and an old show

I had my first day at my new job today. Same organization, different building. I think I'm going to be a lot busier at this job, which should make me feel more productive and useful. I'll also get to learn some new things, which is always good.

I almost want to tune into Survivor this season. I haven't watched it for years, but one of my favorite players ever, Ozzy Lusth, is back on (apparently they have two returning players mixed in with a bunch of newbies . . . kinda weird). Ozzy always dominates at challenges, especially ones that involve swimming. It's like he's part fish.

On that note, how about a little mini countdown? I've never been big on reality TV, but occasionally I will watch an episode (and on occasion a whole season) if there's a particular person that catches my interest . . . or my eye.

So let's start it off with Number 5 of the Hot Guys of Reality TV: Ozzy!

Coming up with titles is hard when I jump topics so much

I saw that fellow blogger Aek had a nifty Meyers-Briggs gadget on his page, so I thought I would get me one too. I've been a little obsessed with the Meyers-Briggs this past year as I've been all into self-analysis. As you can see, I usually test as an INFJ, at least on the short free tests on the internet. And from the multiple intelligences test you can tell I'm obsessed with music, haha.

When it comes to music, I'm still old-school. I like to buy CDs. I don't know, I just like having something physical in my hands. I like going to the store, browsing the albums, buying it, unwrapping it, and putting it in the player for the first time. I do have an iTunes account, but I mostly use it to get songs that are harder to get. My iPod is mostly used for surfing the internet and using apps :-) I don't buy music very frequently though, because I'm very cheap . . . I mean frugal. Just picked up Greatest Hits CDs of Electric Light Orchestra and The Moody Blues. Talk about old school. I dunno, not much new music does it for me anymore . . .

I'm still trying to get in contact with my Facebook acquaintance. He was busy for a while, then he went on vacation. I sent him a new message a few days ago. He seemed willing to meet up before, so hopefully he'll respond. Even though work and career planning have taken up most of my attention lately, I'm still keen to move forward on my sexuality. Having talked about it online with bloggers and in person with my three cousins, my friend, my mom, and the counselor has made it a lot easier to discuss it. Maybe my acquaintance will be able to point me in the right direction as far as next steps. So lets see . . . first comes feelings, then thoughts, then words . . . I guess all that's left is . . .

Action.

I'll get there. Eventually.

Before I go, some eye candy, just because. This is Josh Ohl.

ABCs and Job Craziness

First of all, if you live in Southern California, check out 100.3 The Sound. I've liked the station for quite a while, but they really won me over this past week with their A to Z playlist. They've been going through a catalog of more than 2000 songs, all in alphabetical order. It's like heaven for the slightly obsessive compulsive music lover in all of us. Or just me. Right now they're playing "Your Wildest Dreams" by The Moody Blues, and right before was "Your Time is Gonna Come" by Led Zeppelin. Alas . . . we're nearing the end of the Y's and I can't imagine there will be very many Z songs . . .

Anyways . . . last week was nuts. Over the weekend I moved into a new place. Monday, I was informed by my boss that I was getting laid off in two weeks. I was understandably quite flustered by this (oo, now it's "You're All I've Got Tonight" by the Cars . . . sorry, distraction).

Wednesday, I was informed of another open position at the place I work. Thursday I went to talk to talk to the person who would be my supervisor, which went well. So now I'm being offered that position. Same pay, but more responsibilities and it sounds like it will be more interesting. So what started out as an extremely bad situation actually seems like it might work out for the best.

This past weekend started out uneventful. But on Saturday my cousin from Nor Cal gave me a call and told me he would be coming down to LA . . . the next day. So I ended up hanging out with my two cousins (the other lives down here) for the holiday. We went to Magic Mountain, which was a nice break.

Now I'm in my last week at my current position, so I need to wrap things up and get ready to start my new job. All this while I still try to form the plan of my next steps. Hopefully the new job will be a smooth transition.

"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon. I knew that one was coming.

The other cousin

My older cousin was in town from New York over the weekend for a wedding. He stayed with my other cousin (his younger brother), and I spent the weekend with them. He was the only one of the three brothers who I hadn't revealed my sexuality issues to.

Saturday we drove out to visit with my sister and her family. It was really great being with everyone. Sunday was the wedding, and me and my younger cousin got to tag along. It was fun, though going to weddings always makes me wonder if I'll ever have one of my own. I chatted with a PhD student for a while. One thing I've noticed: lots of PhD students really don't seem to spend much time thinking about what they're planning to do with their degree after grad school. Guess my obsessive thinking about the future sets me apart. I'm working on it . . . that tendency definitely leads to analysis paralysis. Still, I mostly still think I made the right decision by not doing the PhD program. Mostly.

After the wedding we were on our way back to my younger cousin's place and I was conflicted. I felt bad having opened up to my two younger cousins and not their brother. At the same time, he was the one I had been closest to growing up, the one I had always looked up to, so telling him my secret would be no easy task. I had touched on the subject the night before, focusing on my lack of sexual experience and low interest. This night I finally worked up the nerve to go for broke, while I still had him in person. I spilled my guts about everything, from my sexuality confusion to my crazy career-related anxiety and the relation between the two. The three of us parked for a long while outside the house to talk. It really did feel good to get it all out, and he made sure that I knew that he was perfectly cool with whatever the outcome was.

A couple days later after he was back in New York, I called him to see how his flight was and to have a little follow up discussion. He told me that he admired the courage I showed by opening up to him, and stressed how it didn't change anything and that I'm still his "favorite cousin." I got choked up there, haha. He also said he was always available if I needed to talk. That was good to hear. I hate to impose, but I shouldn't be afraid to seek counsel when needed.

It feels good to have the issue out in the open with all of my closest confidants (my three cousins, my mom, and my friend "Janice." That's really one of the hardest parts, and when I finally get some experience and feel ready to define myself (if i choose to do so, who needs labels after all, haha), telling them will be much easier.

Is the radio trying to tell me something?

A one-two punch of Styx songs played on the radio, and I found them rather resonant.

Styx - Crystal Ball

This is a song that really captures the uncertainty of the future and the fears that it can cause. Sometimes it seems like if we could just get a quick glimpse in a crystal ball, our path would become clear.

Styx- Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)

The lyrics for this one are advice that I could probably do well to follow. It seems to be addressed to a young man with a lot of potential whose major obstacle is his own attitude.

Thanks, Styx.

A quick update

My Facebook acquaintance responded. He said he'd love to meet up for coffee sometime to chat, and apologized for the delay in getting back to me. He's been very busy lately. As I should have known was the case. I used to think I was an optimistic person . . .