Head over heels

Originally, I was expecting 3 weeks to pass without seeing Ben, since I'm flying out tomorrow and won't be returning until the day before Memorial Day. I figured I wouldn't be seeing him again until the weekend after that. However, we've found ways to cut the time down a bit.

First, it turns out that he returns from his trip back east early on Memorial Day, so I offered to pick him up from the airport and spend the rest of the day with him. He enthusiastically accepted.

Then he called me at work today and asked if I had plans for dinner tonight. I was instantly super excited, but informed him that I actually had made plans with some friends (Tom and Philip). He was reluctant to cause me to change my plans, but since my friends have been looking forward to meeting him I decided to check with them to see if it'd be okay if he joined us. They were of course cool with it. So he drove down and met me at my place. He came to the front door when I was in my room changing, so he ended up meeting my roommate. I haven't told her about me yet, so I wonder if she had any suspicions (especially when he disappeared around the corner to kiss me as I came out of my room, haha).

We drove to meet my friends, and I became adept at driving with one hand on the steering wheel and one arm wrapped around him :-)  I still need two hands to park though, so I'd always have to say "parking" so he'd let me go. While waiting for Tom and Philip to show up we sat next to each other on a bench. There was a security guard nearby that no doubt noticed Ben's arm around my neck, not to mention how close we were sitting. Soon the guard had wandered out of sight. I definitely am a little self-conscious of PDA, but I guess you kind of have to be in many places.

Dinner was great. Ben got along with Tom and Philip real well. He was excited to meet some of my friends since I had met a lot of his friends at karaoke several weeks ago. I think they liked him too. We ordered two entrees and shared them, and sat real close the whole time. Half the time we were holding hands under the table. It was great. I wasn't too self conscious since it was mostly college students eating in that place. After dinner he had to return home because he works early in the morning. It was so hard to let him go! We made out a bit in the car, traded compliments and flirtations, and then he left. But now it's only about a week and a half before I see him again, instead of 3 weeks!

I admit, there were times during this past week when the old doubts came creeping in, intensified by the reality of what I'm doing. Thinking about my upcoming conversation with my dad and attending the wedding over the weekend made me think again, "couldn't I make it work with a girl, how do I know if I don't try?"

But Ben is amazing. I love spending time with him, talking to him, learning about him. I enjoy holding him, touching him, kissing him. He's really an amazing catch in soooo many ways. I just need to fully come to terms with being gay. One thing's for sure though . . . it's a lot easier when he's around. I was worried about showing affection in front of my friends and whether I'd be comfortable with it, but once Ben was there I could barely keep my hands off of him, haha.

I've got two big challenges coming up in the next week and a half: the TEST and telling my DAD. So next time I write in this blog I'm sure I'll have much to talk about. Let's hope it's good things.