Father of mine

Two posts in one night? Yeah, I've got a lot on my mind.

So today I had lunch with my mom, and I decided to bring up an issue that has been troubling me lately: namely, my dad. I've always been on good terms with my father, but I hesitate to say we're "close." This, coupled with a series of arguments stemming from his stubbornly held far right views that he seems to be unable to rationally back up (he has referred to Obama as "evil" on multiple occasions) has led to some negative feelings towards him on my part as of late. I don't want it to be that way. I also get the feeling sometimes that my dad doesn't really care about what's going on in my life. He never asks nor shows any interest. I have no idea how he feels about my decision to go to graduate school or anything.

My mom revealed to me that my dad has NEVER been a good communicator, not with anyone. She assured me that it's not that he doesn't care, it's just that he isn't good at expressing himself. I realized that the issue here may very well be one of social cognition. Someone who lacks "social intelligence," if you will, would have trouble expressing their feelings to others, trouble picking up on social cues, and trouble seeing things from others' perspectives. It seems that this might apply to my dad. An empathy deficit would certainly shed some light on why he often seems closed-minded and unwilling to consider other viewpoints.

Now that I'm considering the issue from this perspective I feel better about it. It's not necessarily that my dad doesn't care. He just finds it hard to show it. It's obvious that some people have more skill than others when it comes to things like sports or academics. But we often take social skills for granted and fail to realize that sometimes social difficulties come in different varieties than just shyness. I'll try from now on to be a bit more patient with him. I'm still determined to have a heart-to-heart with him, though. I want to understand him more as a person, and I want to help him understand me.