For now, I'll just say that today I finally took a step that was long overdue. I defriended Ben on Facebook. The main recent catalyst: He changed his profile pic to him and Daniel Newguy. I wasn't following his updates and haven't been to his page in months, but the pic came up when I was searching for someone with a similar name. I don't need to see that. Plus, he stopped liking my posts months ago and I haven't liked anything of his since he kicked me to the curb. So basically us being Facebook friends at this point is pointless. It's just a placeholder for a friendship that may never happen. If it does, he'll have to come to me. I did my part. I reached out oh so long ago and he was rude and condescending to me. All he had to offer was a conditional, one-sided friendship. The way I remember it, it brings to mind Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The caring, generous guy I had fallen in love with had been replaced by a cold, emotionless pod person that could look back at the memories of the ten months we'd known each other and feel nothing.
Wes said something to me today at the gym which struck a nerve. I know he's still a little bitter about what happened between us. He said, in support of me unfriending Ben, "Ben ruined you for all the guys you would date after." Kinda messed up and I called him out on it, but it rang a bit true. I still feel so emotionally scarred from the experience, and I know it has left me with serious dating hang ups.
So, the unfriending is my way of symbolically throwing up my hands and leaving Ben's status in my life to fate, and to him. It is time for me to stop holding the friendship train for him. Either he sees the value of having me in his life someday or he doesn't. If he does he knows where to find me, if he doesn't, then good riddance. I won't be the one to convince him.
2 comments:
Don't beat yourself up. You had to come to terms with the breakup at your own pace. Some take longer than others. Look forward instead of dwelling on the past -- it's not easy for sure, but that's the way to heal and truly move on.
I don't agree that you are "ruined for all" that follow but the next one you settle down with will have high expectations to fill, and that's something you just need to be aware and constantly on guard to avoid. It's a warning, not a prediction of future outcomes.
So of course, you are going to tease us about your bedroom adventures . . . we can wait.
What will you be doing for thanksgiving this year?
Woah, now I'm curious about number three and number four!! Umm, email me sometime?
I totally agree with ya on defriending Ben on FB. It's the final step of just starting fresh. If he wants to be friends with you, let him make the first move.
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