I'm not really dwelling too much on the whole "the one" thing that Roger told me about, despite the content of my last post. Yeah, it popped into my mind a few times today. I just rolled my eyes, laughed it off and moved on. You guys are right. There's no way to know about the situation, and in no way does it say anything about me. I was a character in that crazy story, but now I've been given my own spin-off and the plot of the Ben Show no longer concerns me.
I'm in a generally pretty good mood today. I had a good amount of social interaction, which is what it takes to lift me up. My friend at work who works part-time was in and we talked and joked a lot while she was helping me with a project. Then after work I went to a dinner gathering with the LGBT social group. It was fun. I caught up with a couple of friends and made some new ones. One guy I talked extensively with. He was really interesting and easy to talk to, and I ended up telling him a lot about my recent career explorations, my sexuality discovery process, and my forays into improv. He was very complimentary and supportive about it all, verbalizing his admiration of my level-headedness.
In talking to him I realized that, even though my demisexuality/asexuality/bisexuality/homosexuality or whatever it is confuses the hell out of me, it's not the end of the world. I made it work in my past relationship, at least for a time. I found someone I really liked and I was happy with. That's all that matters. I get so obsessed about doing "what's right" that I lose track of the fact that I need to look for what feels right. So the gay label doesn't seem to fit all the time? Fine. Don't use it. Not sure you're bi? Okay, don't go around saying you are. Just like who you like. Date who you want to date. Kiss who you want to kiss. If you enjoy it, then it's right at that moment. And that's all you can do. Put yourself out there and have faith that if you're true to yourself, the pieces will fall into place. When I first started dating I didn't expect to wind up in a relationship and fall in love with the second guy I ever went out with. But I did. You can't predict these things.
I get way too cerebral about it. Constantly testing myself. Okay, do I think that guy's hot? No? What about that guy? Not him either? What does that mean? Uh oh, that girl's actually kind of attractive. More attractive than those guys! But wait, this new guy actually is hot!
None of that matters. In the end I only have to be attracted to one person at a time . . . the one I am with. And if I'm happy, then it's right. I wish it were easier . . . but I have to make due with the way things are.
I don't believe in the concept of "The One." I think for anyone there is any number of potential "Ones." Having had a brief relationship with a near-One, I need to remember that my Ones are out there. It's only a matter of time.
3 comments:
I don't believe in 'the one' so I agree with you. That's just such a ridiculous idea. To put it totally unromantic: a possible boyfriend is someone who has like 80% of the qualities your 'imaginary perfect boyfriend' has (the one of your dreams). When you meet someone like that at the right moment (both in a good mood, in a place were you can talk etc) it's a possible start for something more. From then on, it's just hard work for both to make something from it haha. Yes I know I'm hopelesly unromantic (at least about that) ;-)
It's funny how we think there is but "one" person for us when there are so many possible suitors -- some from the past, some in the present and who knows how many in the future.
You probably have an idea of what a perfect mate would be, but if someone comes along that meets 80-85% of what you think you need, it's worth it to consider if there's enough to sustain things. Obviously if you have some deal breakers, you should not compromise or settle on guys falling below some minimum standards.
I think there are multiple "ones" out there that would be compatible with you; the difficulty is having your paths cross at the right time.
You think too much, lol (it's okay, I do too). But in this reflection I think you're giving yourself some good advice, and those who read. And yeah, always easier than said.
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