An active weekend

Hello all.

I wrote this entry two days ago, but internet was down so I couldn't publish it. I'll publish it as is and then follow up with one for tonight.

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Saturday was an eventful day. In the morning I went kayaking with the Filipino guy from last week. I really like him, which means he gets to receive a pseudonym. Let's call him Kyle.

Kyle's really nice. He's got a cute smile and is a "late bloomer" like me, having only come out 3 years ago. He seems pretty active in the community, volunteering for an LGBT organization. Our conversation flows pretty naturally and we have some things in common, such as a fondness and knowledge of rock music. I look forward to getting to know him better. He has a bit more relationship potential than Josh, who is nice and hot but has very limited availability and is currently in an exploratory mindset. Nothing wrong with that, but I am very wary of getting involved with another guy who doesn't know what he wants. Doesn't mean I can't have a little fun with him though.

Anyways, kayaking was a blast. We were able to pull our boats onto a dock and grab lunch, which was awesome. The excursion was much more relaxed than the one with Alex a few months ago. Alex left me in the dust whereas Kyle stayed close so we could chat.

After the date I went to a social gathering with the LGBT social group. It was a lot of fun. I caught up with some of the friends I made last time and made some new ones. My friend Adam, the one who first invited me to the group, was there. His boyfriend Howie couldn't make it. Howie is actually the one I know better, since he's the one who first messaged me on OkC and first met up with Ben and I back in January. So it was kind of nice to get to know Adam a bit better on his own. He brought along a friend of his, who was accompanied by two other friends, a guy and a girl. The guy was extremely cute. He had the same name as me, so we'll call him Cal, haha.

At one point Adam informed me that the four of them were going to go to a climbing gym that had just opened. He invited me to come along, so I did. I hadn't been expecting to go kayaking AND climbing in the same day! I admit, part of the reason I went was because other Cal was going too, haha. At the gym I tried a couple of climbs. It was pretty hard! I was already nursing a headache from kayaking in the sun that morning (I don't think I drank enough water), so I wasn't able to do much. Later on we watched a bouldering competition and I tried to chat with Cal a little bit. He wasn't very talkative. Bummer.

After the gym Adam and I left to go get some dinner. The other three kept climbing until late. As we ate I chatted with Adam about various things, including my . . . ahem, breakthrough date with Josh the other night. I also talked a bit about Brody, and how I was relieved that he wasn't at the social event earlier. I was afraid things would get awkward when I saw him next. Adam reiterated how he and Howie had been less than impressed with Brody's behavior at the party we all went to. They felt he came across a bit rude.

I dropped Adam off after dinner and headed home. I had a bad headache and was exhausted and sunburned from the day of fun. Then my phone buzzed with an incoming text. Who could it be? Well speak of the . . . it was Brody.

Just a pleasant, 'Hey Stranger, how's it going? We should hang out soon' type of message. Now, I had talked to several people including my mom about him. I had told them about the OCD episode, and the incident after the party where he raised his voice to me, picked an argument and called me "abnormal" for being hung up on my ex. These instances, plus other behavior of his (passive-aggressive text messages when he felt like I was "ducking" him, for instance) made me decide it was best to distance myself. I knew I was too tired that night to come up with an appropriate response.

Sunday was uneventful. I spent most of the day recovering from Saturday. I was sore all over from using muscles I'm unaccustomed to using. It felt good, though. I went on a date in the evening with another Filipino guy. This one was the opposite of Kyle. I wasn't attracted to him, I felt we didn't have much in common, and the conversation was a little forced and awkward at times. He texted me later on, but I responded with the "maybe just friends" text. Frankly I'm not even sure that was the appropriate response. I'm just a little too determined not to throw the word "chemistry" at people.

Sunday night I spoke with Janice about the Brody situation. She agreed his behavior was unacceptable, and gave me encouragement. She offered to read what I was going to send him before I sent it, but I decided to just get it over with. I texted him, basically saying, "Sorry for the delayed response. I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't think I want to hang out for the time being. I'm not sure I can offer you the friendship you are looking for. Perhaps we can catch up later on but for now I think I'd prefer to maintain some distance." Yes, I took a page from Ben's playbook. Yes, it made me feel a bit like a hypocrite. BUT, this is a guy I was friends with for two months we're talking about here. He was not my boyfriend for eight and a half months. I don't think I was asking for too much to expect more from Ben.

In any case, Brody took it about as well as could be expected. He called me. I didn't answer, wanting to hear his voicemail first. He spoke calmly in the voicemail, but started to say some rather harsh things, including that if I was planning to cut him off that didn't make me a very good friend. Then he started sending me text after text after text. The first one was a passive-aggressive mockery of my text: "Thanks for the delayed response and for ignoring my phone call." He went on to say that he felt I was being oversensitive if this was still about the argument we had in the car. He then went on to say I was obviously still hung up on Ben and was taking it out on him. I had been planning to text him to say I would call him the next day to talk since by then it was 11 PM, but I caved and gave him a call.

Similarly to our interaction in the car last month, this one started as an argument and gradually became less intense. I explained to him the reasons why the friendship was not working for me. I told him that the argument in the car was NOT the only reason, just the final straw. He tried to minimize the argument, saying it was a "little squabble." I told him I resented being told I was oversensitive for having a problem with it. I explained that I had opened up to him about my break up because I considered him a friend, and felt betrayed and attacked when he suddenly laid into me. He made it worse by suggesting that the words "appalled" and "abnormal" were consciously chosen rather than thrown out in anger.

Finally I told him that, regardless of whether he felt I should still be angry about it or not, I would need an apology or there would be nothing further for us to discuss. I think that's the line I'm most proud of, how badass of me, haha.

He resisted apologizing at first, but finally I got him to understand what he had done wrong and why I was hurt and he changed his tune. He apologized for insulting and judging me, and he acknowledged that everyone heals from a breakup on their own timetable. He also explained to me that the reason he lost his temper had much to do with the feelings that had developed for me. He apologized for losing his cool, and assured me it was not a sign of things to come but rather a freak occurrence. He said he felt that our friendship had much more positive to it then negative, and would be very saddened if it ended like this. He also apologized for saying I was no longer allowed to talk to him about my break up. He said that was a violation of his own philosophy of an unconditional friendship, and that moving forward I was welcome to come to him with whatever topic was on my mind. I admit, I do not like to burn bridges if I can help it, but I was still very apprehensive about continuing to associate with him. I had already given him several chances.

Ultimately I decided to give him another chance. BUT, we would need to have a conversation first to set boundaries and make sure we are on the same page. I do not want to hang out with him multiple times per week. I don't want to spend hours with him on the phone. And I don't want him trying to tie me up in conversation when he senses I am getting antsy. That's just disrespectful. I will give him the chance to make our friendship more symmetrical, and I will not hesitate to be blunt about my needs. That's what I had to do with Tom back in our troubled phase.