A bit of conflict and the latest news on my dating trifecta

I had dinner with Brody last night. It was the first time seeing him since mid-May. I'll admit, I was VERY apprehensive about seeing him again. I even spent most of the session with my therapist talking about how I was going to deal with him, how I was going to ask for a more casual friendship than what we had.

At first our conversation was pleasant. I told him about my latest dating exploits and the three recent guys that I have had some interest in: Nick, Josh, and Kyle. He  told me about a guy that he has started seeing. I told him about my eventful weekend, including the social group. It turns out his texting me later that day wasn't a coincidence. Our mutual friend who was at the social group gave him a nudge to convince him to reach out to me. I didn't address our issues at the dinner table because I didn't want to be stuck if things turned ugly. So, I waited to address them until after, out in the parking lot. I'm glad I did because . . . well things turned ugly.

It was partly my fault. I have realized that I am an over-sharer. I am honest to a fault. I feel better coming clean and not hiding things from people. Usually, that's a positive trait. But in this case, it made things worse. I found out a fundamental difference between Brody and I: whereas I like to tackle a problem with someone head on, talk it out and push through it, despite any awkwardness or unpleasantness, he prefers to just let things slide and leave the past in the past. Start things off with a blank slate. He also has a hard time grasping other people's perspectives. It is clear to me that even though he apologized he still thinks I overreacted to him yelling at me in the car, insulting me, and judging me. He still thinks it was insignificant, as well as all of his other rude behavior. He still thinks I"m oversensitive, and even said he told his mom that he had finally found a guy more sensitive than he is.

Anyways, I brought up my ambivalence going into the dinner because I wanted to reassure him that, because the conversation had gone well, I was feeling better about our friendship. I made the fatal error of saying that a couple people had encouraged me to cut him off. I was trying to make him feel good, by saying that I was going against those people's advice and trusting my gut. Instead, he got MAJORLY insulted. He decided that the ONLY way people would be giving me such advice would be if I gave them a very skewed idea of him, focusing only on the negative and not saying anything positive, such as talking about all the "countless" hours he had spent advising me on my breakup and gay dating. He recalled what I had said when he was trying to get me to demonize Ben. I had argued that I had only told him the negative about Ben, so of course he had a skewed idea of him. So now he was taking this and using it against me, and even implied that this is something that I enjoy, telling people negative things about other people. He wondered whether I was lashing out because I have feelings for him and was jealous that he was dating another guy. He scolded me for bringing up the "shit" again when he had already apologized. He reiterated again about how he is an optimistic guy and doesn't like to sweat the small stuff (once again minimizing my feelings). Soon I was shivering uncontrollably, and I'm still not sure whether the cold or my nervousness had more to do with it. We finished the conversation in his car (after I was about ready to take off several times). He was adamant that I was the one that had spoiled the positive energy by bringing up the shit. But I was not the one who was cussing. I was not the one who was raising my voice (well, until he provoked me enough). I was not the one who was judging. I was careful to talk about how his actions were making me feel, rather than what his characteristics were. He was the one calling me things like "oversensitive" and "negative," and commenting on my ruminating nature (I'll give him that one).

He also accused me of being wishy-washy about being friends with him, and practically demanded an ultimatum right on the spot. He wanted my commitment to the friendship right there and then. Frankly I was not in the mood to give it just like that. Eventually he realized he had made me feel cornered so he backed off a bit. I managed to dig myself out of the hole by explaining the real reasons why others had counseled me to drop him (mostly my mom, who is a bit cautious about meeting people online to begin with, and has dealt with a plethora of very sensitive, emotional people during her career)

Anyways, we finally parted ways. He suggested we go kayaking sometime. I responded we'd talk about it. I'd prefer it to be a group activity.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. If I move ahead and not talk about his past transgressions anymore we might reach some level of normalcy, but that's not going to change my feelings about him. I guess I'll just have to move forward and see if his behavior changes. He told me it's okay if I tell him I don't want to hang out as often as we were. I told him I'm going to be straight-forward with him about my needs and wants. So hopefully I won't have anymore conflict with him. I really think it is a personality mismatch, the likes of which I haven't experienced for years. He doesn't have many friends in the area though, and he always has nothing but praise for me (well, at least he did before). I'm just afraid I'm being too nice. I don't feel I really am overacting because I DON'T have conflict with most people. Anger is not something I experience much at all. Yet lately he's been able to bring it out of me with some regularity.

We'll see what happens.

In other news, I am thinking of writing off Nick. I really liked him. He's cute, funny, and we get along well. But it's been a month since I've seen him. I was giving him his space so he could focus on finals, but his tests have been over for a week now. I texted him last Wednesday to wish him good luck and again on Monday to see if he wants to hang out again now that they are over. No response, and usually he's very responsive. So, I was thinking of giving up. I don't want to come across as pushy.

BUT, it's not so simple. A friend of his is someone I met at a social group event. I was Facebook chatting with this guy, and he claims that Nick wants me to kiss him. He says that at our last date Nick wanted to kiss me but chickened out. I am horrible at making the first move, I must admit. I still don't have much experience with that, and I am still a little gunshy due to fear of getting rejected. I know I need to get over the latter. Knowing that he was interested after all makes me willing to try to do something if we were to hang out again, but that doesn't change the fact that he's unresponsive. His friend told me that he went home to visit family, but he's supposed to be back by now. And that shouldn't stand in the way of him texting me back. So, I don't know. May have missed an opportunity there. Oh well.

As for the other two members of the trifecta: Josh is interested in hanging out (and probably making out) more, but he's not being particularly aggressive in setting something up. Kyle has a lot of work travels ahead of him. I texted him today but haven't received a response.

Bleh. Hard to keep momentum going with people.

Despite all the drama I'm in a good mood tonight. I woke up still feeling all tense due to my confrontation with Brody, but tonight I got to do some improv with a new group of people, which always puts me in a good mood. I actually auditioned for a small local troupe. I kind of hope I get in. That would give me a great new activity to make friends, build confidence, and distract myself from the negative energy that certain individuals have given me this year.