Okay, I've settled down a bit after the emotional roller coaster of last week. I've recaptured the sense of forgiveness that had barely had time to blossom before it was . . . interrupted.
I recognize that Ben's new bf was likely the one who initiated the "in a relationship with" status on Facebook. Ben didn't do it, and for all I know he's uncomfortable with how fast the new guy is moving. If our relationship is any indication I'd say that's a likely scenario.
Though I'm not all bitter and resentful anymore I'm still in no hurry to seek friendship so don't worry, that hasn't gone away. I still would like to try someday though. If only to give myself some peace of mind, to know that I tried. I recognize that I need to heal a lot more first.
In the meantime I have learned my lesson. No checking Ben's profile, even if he "likes" or comments on mine (and if he does it again I will probably ask him to refrain for the time being).
I find myself constantly looking up articles about "How to get over your ex," "How to heal from heartbreak," etc. At three and a half months I'm a little concerned about how bad I'm still feeling. I've had not one, but two dreams lately about us being back together (only to wake up to disappointment). However, I try to remind myself several things.
1. This was no run of the mill break-up. It was my first relationship, with a person who I truly loved (and who told me he loved me first), that ended in a blindside and was followed by some rather hurtful behavior on his part. I try to tell myself, "Cut yourself some slack, Cal! Everyone heals at their own rate, and you're a sensitive, trusting guy! Don't push yourself!"
2. The revelation about Daniel Newguy was just a week ago, so really I'm not JUST recovering from the break-up right now.
Reminding myself of those things helps. Keeping busy does too. I went to a local improv comedy event over the weekend which was a ton of fun. Saw some great shows and participated in some fun workshops.
I'm meeting up with a new guy tomorrow finally, after a two week dating dry spell. He seems really nice, and he's into science (a graduate student). We'll see how that goes. New friend maybe?
This weekend should be exciting. I am trying to connect with the gay community in ways other than online dating. Friday I'm going to go to a meet up of a local LGBT group that a friend invited me to. Saturday I'm going to go to the Pride celebration in Long Beach. This will be my very first Pride (well other than the ones we inadvertently passed by in Europe, haha)
Hanging in there!
1 comment:
Keep looking and going forward -- you can't rush the healing process. In time you will see that your happiness is in your hands, not from the validation of others.
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