Basically, he feels the chemistry is lacking between us. Back at the third date he apparently didn't feel chemistry (what the heck was I feeling then?) After the month in the friend zone his feelings changed, but I guess over the course of the relationship they waned again. He says we look good "on paper" and we're super compatible, but he just doesn't feel the "spark." (Goddamn that spark! Bane of my existence.) In the email I argued that what we have is rare and special, and that I feel he jumped the gun by breaking things off less than a week after he first informed me of this. Relationships take work after all. I feel he has unrealistic expectations (he wants to feel butterflies, etc). So basically he's throwing away a perfectly good, healthy relationship to go chase butterflies. Meanwhile, what we had is what truly lasting, fulfilling, long-term relationships are made of.
On the way home from work last night I started sobbing uncontrollably. It happened again later that night. I haven't cried like that since I was a kid. I'm in that infamous place where everything reminds me of Ben. One glance at the framed picture of us in my room (that he got me for my birthday) and I was bawling like a baby.
I love his company so much, that in some twisted way I actually enjoyed the break up conversation . . . just because I was in his presence. And he was so considerate during it. At one point I said, "You probably don't want to talk about this anymore." His reply: "We can talk about this as long as you want."
He said he wants to be friends, if that's okay. And of course I would like that. The thought of having him completely gone from my life is not pleasant. I just hope that I'll be strong enough when it comes to that.
6 comments:
:::Hug:::
First breakups are tough. Mine took a good 6 months or so.
On his end I'm wondering why after the 3rd date he didn't call it off.
We're here for you ;-)
I'm so sorry. So very sorry.
Thanks guys. Mike, he did call it off after the third date. But then his feelings changed. I guess they eventually changed back.
I really feel for you my man, this makes me sad.
Well the butterflies... it's normal they're not there all the time after 8 months, but you get so much other things instead. Of course it's healthy when they show up from time to time, maybe Ben didn't feel them?
Anyways I think he gave you a very short time frame to think/do something about it between telling you and breaking up.
And I hope the promised friendship can be a real friendship, because you two seemed such a beautiful couple. Maybe reading your blog will show him that?
Take care buddy!
I'm so sorry it comes to this. You are going through emotional grief so the crying is understandable and probably good for you because it's giving you a way to release your emotions.
I don't want to get your hopes up, I find arguing logically often times does not work in these situations since so much of the impetus is emotion driven. But having a break does allow Ben to see what it is like to lose and miss you, and he may regret his decision when he's had a chance to reflect on your absence, He may find, as you hint, that the butterflies he is seeking, is not out there.
Unfortunately you'll have to endure the heartache while you wait for him to realize what a good thing he gave up. Hang in there.
:-(
I'm so sorry to hear. I never trust the butterflies, lol - it's more lust than love sometimes and can fool you into thinking you want something that's not that important.
You guys had a great thing going and I agree it's not quite time to give up yet. Maybe he'll come around, hopefully he will. We'll be cheering for ya.
::Hugs::
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