I just talked to Ben on the phone for an hour and a half. Among many things we talked about the weekend and clarified some things. We talked a bit more about our feelings and where our minds are at right now. Basically, the plan is to take it slowly and still just focus on spending time together for right now. Unfortunately this weekend is pretty busy, and I'll be out of town for the two weekends after that. I'm going to try to leave enough time on Saturday morning to spend several hours with him, though I have a wedding to attend later in the day. I asked him how he feels about the distance between us (about 45 minutes without traffic . . . but this is So Cal so there's often traffic). He said it was a concern at first, but now he feels it might actually be a good thing. It will force us to pace ourselves a bit.
I also decided to call up the guys I've been seeing to give them the heads up that I just want to be friends right now. There are other people on the sites that I've been talking with for a while that I kind of wanted to meet up with, so I will probably suggest the idea of being friends to them as well and see if they still want to meet up. Right now I'd prefer just to focus on Ben, even though we're not really "boyfriends" yet. My feelings for him would get in the way of developing much for anyone else.
Now as I look at the prospect of potentially entering my very first relationship, I will need to evaluate what role this blog will play. Having another person in the picture changes things, even though this is anonymous. Who knows, maybe some day I'll even let Ben read it. I think what I'll do is I will focus on myself. I'll talk about how I'm feeling and my perspective on things. I won't be saying much about what Ben says or does, out of respect for his privacy.
I think of my relationship with Ben thus far kind of as a multi-act play.
Act I: The first three dates, the "getting to know you" phase. My initial fondness for him, and the crushing disappointment of being relegated to the Friend Zone.
Act II: The friendship. The hike, the karaoke, and Cinco de Mayo. Each time my feelings for him increasing until the moment of truth . . . and the subsequent payoff :-)
Act III: What's going to happen? We'll have to turn the page.
2 comments:
That's a good move, focusing on Ben. I would say really continue to push the friendship aspect of things, don't play games, keep up the dialogue with him. You don't have to verbalize your every thought or doubts but being open with your feelings will encourage similar feedback.
A first time relationship is reason to be both hopeful but also anxious because it offers so many new things. Still try to stay focused on the positive issues and look upon it as a wonderful adventure.
I think you're approaching all this quite logically, which is a good thing!
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