One of these nights

Sometimes all it takes is one night and your world turns upside down (in a good way!)

Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo, and incidentally it was the latest planned hang out for Ben and I. All in all it was an amazing day. We went to a live music/food event and an improv show, then went and got drinks afterward and talked for a long time. I offered to let him crash at my place since we got back from the bar quite late. We set up the spare bed and talked some more, then he said it was time that he went to bed. Meanwhile, something was swimming in my mind . . . now's the time . . . show him how you feel . . . make a move . . .


I finally worked up the nerve to do what I had been thinking about. Way back at our second date he had given me a kiss on the cheek, so I decided to return the favor. That way it could be viewed as a sign that I still have feelings for him, and if the feelings weren't returned I could just write it off as giving closure to that part of our relationship. I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Afterward, I hung around for a while rather awkwardly, not wanting the moment to end but not knowing what to do next. Finally I figured I'd done what I had set out to do and decided to leave him and go to bed. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

When I came out I went to my bedroom door, but hesitated. I called out, telling him to let me know if he needed anything. He responded, "B, let's talk."

So we talked. I spilled my guts, telling him about the other dates I'd been on and how none of them even came close to measuring up to the way I felt about him. I told him about how every time I hang out with him I end up liking him more.

Up until this point the big wonder on my mind had been how HE felt, and whether anything had changed since the "Friend Zone" talk.

It turns out things HAD changed. Apparently in the times since then I have shown sides of my personality that didn't quite come through during the initial couple of meet ups. From what I gathered, he did have some kind of feelings for me, he just wasn't sure exactly what they were yet.

After we talked we lay there in silence for a couple awkward moments. I could tell from the look on his face that he knew what I was thinking. After hemming and hawing to myself for a bit I finally said, "Ah screw it," and went in for a kiss. My first kiss with a guy. I need more practice :-P

The spare bed ended up not being used last night. We kept things casual, neither of us want to move things too fast. But the intimacy barrier that I spoke of previously has definitely been broken for me. By the morning I was definitely comfortable kissing him, touching him, cuddling, all that good stuff. And I felt so . . . relaxed! Admittedly I didn't get much sleep as I'm not used to sharing a bed with someone, but I didn't care. It was a great feeling to have someone there that I care about, and to be able to hold him and whisper to him.

He left this morning after we laid in bed for a little while talking. Next weekend is my last before I'm out of town for a week and a half, so we're talking about meeting up again. No definition yet as to what we have going on between us, but that's OK for now. All I know is I had a great day, night, and morning, and so did Ben.

P.S. For all intents and purposes, I am gay. :-)