I suppose it should also mean something . . . . perhaps my attempts to change my outlook on life and rise to new opportunities and challenges? Sure, that works.
I just got back from seeing "The Avengers," and it was really good. Any movie that has both Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans in it has got to be though, haha. Just add Chris Pine and you'd have a triple threat of Hot Chris.
My three friends I went to see it with were Tom, Rick, and Philip, all of whom I have mentioned previously. They are the three close straight male friends that know about me. This is the first time I have hung out with all three of them since my secret was revealed. It was mostly like old times. Them talking about girls, me zoning out, haha. At one point Tom asked me about the movie and how I liked Chris Hemsworth in it. I said both were good. It kind of felt weird though. This was the first time I really felt like "the gay one." Because that's pretty much what I am now. Even though I didn't come out to anyone as saying "I'm gay" (rather "I'm figuring things out" or "I'm dating guys" or something along those lines) it's pretty apparent what the consensus is. Which makes me the one who still can't seem to come to terms enough to just identify that way. So afraid to close a door.
Meanwhile I'm feeling conflicted about the dating I'm doing. There's at least two guys who are into me and want to meet up again (including the one from Monday who emails me every day even though we've met just once so far, which makes me a little leery). However, I can't seem to get my mind off of Ben, and it makes it hard to maintain interest in anyone else. He's coming to town tomorrow to hang out, and I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time I'm trying to figure out what my next step should be.
On the one hand, there's the "go with the flow" advice that has largely come from you guys (and thanks again for all the advice).
On the other hand, there's my friend Janice, who suggested that if I stay in the Friend Zone for too much longer there may be no escaping it. She figures Ben should know by now whether he's interested in me or not, so I should make a move or risk losing the possibility of a romantic relationship.
That and a certain career-related step approaching in two weeks (alright, it's the MCAT, I signed up to take the MCAT) mean the pressure's starting to cook again.
I guess I'll just go with the flow tomorrow and look for any signs. If the right moment comes, it will come. This may be the last time I see Ben for nearly a month though. I'm taking the test in the Midwest and then going on a roadtrip with my parents, not to return until the end of the month.
We'll see if I can rise to the challenge.
4 comments:
best of luck on the MCAT, but i hope you never regret your career choice. nearly everyone in the LGBT community idolizes Obama, including yourself i would guess, but he is hell-bent on eviscerating the medical profession
It seems you are not doing anything to advance things with Ben by being neutral but resist the urge to force an ultimatum. It has only been a few months dating with him/hanging out as friends, it's not like you have wasted years waiting for him, which would be a different story. He is the standard by which all comers after him are being measured, which is a double edge sword -- others don't measure up to him but at the same time he is filling this idealized role that is unattainable at this time. You could find yourself rejecting others because you want Ben -- but then you can't have him and that would be a really discouraging outcome.
Perhaps some time away from Ben will make him realize what he's missing -- and that could be you. I normally don't advocate playing games when dating, but sometimes you have to tackle things from a different direction than head on.
@lannes: "Idolizes" is a strong word. I appreciate some of what he has done, such as repealing DADT and having a hand in eliminating Bin Laden. I'm not a fan of conservatives who demonize him as I think his intentions are good. I tend to view Obamacare with skepticism, but frankly don't know enough to have a strong opinion about it at this point. Thanks for the comment!
@fan of casey: In lieu of responding to this comment I think I'll make a new entry, because the situation has changed.
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