A couple weeks ago, on a Tuesday, I had a first date with a new guy. Let's call him Eric. I had started messaging this guy right before I went to Chicago. It seemed promising. Like me, he plays guitar and likes comedy movies such as Airplane! He had some YouTube videos posted and was very attractive and seemed to have a sweet personality. I met up with him, appropriately enough, in a nearby shopping center inside Guitar Center. We then walked over to a restaurant that had just been put in. Turns out, the restaurant wasn't open to the public yet. They were doing a special reservation-only training evening. I was just about to turn around and walk to another place, but Eric wasn't ready to give up quite yet. The hostess told us that we could try to inquire at the desk inside about reservations for a different night. Eric wanted to check it out, so in we went. To make a long story short, we ended up getting seated that night! And the meal was complimentary since it was a special training event! The only damper was that I wasn't able to order an alcoholic beverage . . . my license had just expired on my birthday, the new one hadn't come in yet, and my temporary one was all the way in the car (very far away in my work parking lot . . . I had walked over from work). So no drink for me, and I had to explain to Eric why I was carrying around an expired license!
Our meal was good. We had a pretty good conversation, with maybe just a few strained moments. He seemed like a really cool guy, though, with a good sense of humor. I liked him. And I admit, I had been crushing on him after hearing him sing on his YouTube videos, haha. A good singing voice gets me, lol. Same thing with what's-his-face.
After dinner we shared a dessert, which is something I almost never have. I don't have much of a sweet tooth and am very health-conscious. But Eric convinced me :-) Then he offered to drive me back to my car since I was parked so far away. On the way he handed me a stick of gum. Hmm . . . the last person who did that was Josh, and we all know where that led. When we got there, my least favorite part of any date came: the goodbye. I gave him a hug, and started to stammer about how I really enjoyed myself and hoped we could meet up again. I awkwardly committed a first date no-no . . . suggesting we set the next date right then. He seemed receptive, and suggested we meet up on Saturday. I said we could go for a hike. He seemed to like the idea.
Then, I decided to go for it. I leaned in and kissed him (something I've never done on a first date . . . heck, he's only the third guy I've ever kissed!) Soon we were making out, massaging each other, and even cuddling a little bit in his car and just talking. At one point I said with a smile, "Now I don't want to go." He replied, "So tell me more about yourself." After we did that for a while, he said he needed to go. Adorably, he offered to walk me to my truck, which was parked right next to his car. We got out and walked over. With a grin he got in the truck bed and laid down, staring up at the stars. I hesitated at first since the truck hadn't been washed in a while, but finally caved and climbed in too. We spooned a little bit in the back of my truck and kissed some more. Then I climbed out and got in the drivers seat to take my leave. Before I could he pulled me close for one more smooch, then returned to his car. Just as I was about to start my truck up and leave, I glanced over and noticed him holding up a phone: my phone. Laughing, I climbed out and walked around to retrieve it. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he asked. "I needed an excuse to do this again," I said, kissing him.
Then it was really time to go. "Bye Eric," I said with a smile and a wave. I got into my truck and drove off, on cloud nine. Suddenly Saturday seemed very far away. When I got home, a corny joke he had told me finally clicked in my brain, so I texted him to let him know I finally got it. He replied with an "lol" text, then followed up with, "You're adorable, btw." I was beaming.
The rest of our exchange:
Me: "Aw, thanks. Well you know what they say, takes one to know one."
Eric: "I'm glad I met you, and are you sure you didn't leave anything else in my car?"
Me: "Just you. I guess I'll have to come get you on Saturday."
Eric: "lol cute. Aw, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing you again."
Me: "The feeling's mutual!"
Saturday approached very slowly. On Wednesday I decided to make things fair by sharing my YouTube guitar videos with Eric. I texted him for his email address and he responded immediately. I sent the email to him, but he never acknowledged receiving it. Oh well. On Thursday I texted Eric to start formulating the plan. No answer. All day. Hmm.
Friday I tried again. I like to plan at least the day before. He finally got back to me and apologetically texted, "Cal, is it alright if we postpone tomorrow? Sorry I have to cancel."
I was bummed, and not sure whether this was a legitimate cancellation or not. I said, "Sure thing. Hope we can meet up soon, I really enjoyed meeting you."
He replied: "It's just a family gathering, I enjoyed meeting you too :-)"
I offered: "I'm planning on going to an improv show Saturday night if you're free. If not we'll touch base next week."
Eric: "Sounds awesome! Who's performing, where, when? :)"
Me: "It's the improv troupe I'm auditioning for. They're having a show and I need to attend as part of the try-out process. I can email you the details."
Eric: "Please! I'm going to see if I can make it."
Saturday came. I texted to see if he was coming. A few hours before the show, he texts that he won't be able to come. No worries, it was a shot in the dark. He doesn't suggest an alternate day, though, even though he was the one who cancelled.
During the early part of the week, I texted him to see whether Wednesday or Friday would work for him. At this point I'm feeling a little leery. I was still feeling a bit burned by Nick's unexplained disappearance after two dates went well and he seemed interested. I also didn't want to come off too strongly. I was happy to see that he texted me back, saying Wednesday would be awesome.
Except, come Wednesday it was no longer awesome. Cancellation # 2 (I don't count the improv show since he never actually committed to it). This time he was feeling under the weather. I didn't hold it against him since I had had the same reason for not meeting with him before my Chicago trip. At this point I was a little sick of waiting for him to respond to my texts, so I suggested that if he couldn't meet up maybe we could chat on the phone instead. He did call, and we chatted about making alternate plans. We settled on Friday instead. This time I would drive up to his house and we would eat somewhere near there. He suggested Thai food, which is one of my favorites.
Friday came. Things seemed like they were finally going to go as planned. I texted him for his address and he gave it to me, then said "See you tonight." A few hours later: "Cal I'm really sorry I have to cancel yet again. My dad got hurt at work. I would feel guilty if I went to dinner with you with him being injured. I want to keep an eye on him and find out what happened. I'll make it up to you and meet you half way next week, I promise."
This was Cancellation # 3. Three cancellations in one week. Yes, they all had seemingly valid reasons behind them, but I was feeling a little jerked around. My nature is to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm also very sensitive to getting burned right now. I texted him one last time, sending my best wishes to his dad and giving him my availability for the following week (this week). The ball is now in his court. Monday has passed and no word. If his "promise" is good, I'd expect to hear from him soon. But . . . I don't expect to hear from him.
I don't know why I keep running into these flakes. It's like I'm a magnet for them. Maybe it's because I'm using a free dating website. Maybe people aren't as committed as they would be on a paid one like Match. Match is the one that got me my one and only relationship, after all (even though that guy turned out to be quite the flake himself, a flake of communication skills and relationship effort . . . but I digress)
The great first date with Eric lifted my spirits immensely. It seemed like Ben's shadow might finally be lifting. Then when he ended up being yet another flake, it came crashing down again. Who knows, maybe all of his excuses were legitimate. But he still could have been more proactive about rescheduling. If he really had a significant interest in me, he would be trying harder to "make it up to me" instead of leaving me hanging.
Ugh. Dating sucks sometimes. A lot of the time.
5 comments:
I haven't had much luck with dating either, so I probably shouldn't comment.
But I will anyway.
Like you, I'm someone who is ready and willing to commit. I'm also willing to be flexible and patient, and, I don't expect perfection.
I might be delusional, but I feel like I have the right attitude for finding a good relationship. I think you have the right attitude too. It's the other guys' attitudes we need to worry about.
Because I feel like I'm ready, my focus on most dates is on whether the other guy is interested and ready for a relationship. That burden of proof is on him.
With that in mind...if I was in your shoes, I would have taken a different approach with Eric. I would have waited for a clear sign from him that he wanted to kiss me, and, I would have waited for him to take some initiative and be proactive about communicating or seeing me again. From what you've said, it sounds like you've taken all the initiative. What that does is empower him to make all the decisions about when or how he sees or communicates with you. Basically, you've given him total confidence that he has you hooked and he can reel you in whenever or however he likes. Now, I know that's not true...but from Eric's point of view, it would seem that way.
With that said, I actually think you will have another date with him. I think he does like you and if you back off (in a friendly way), he will take the initiative to meet you again, eventually.
If you do see him again, I suggest that you be friendly and flirty but also coy. It's a total cliche' but playing hard to get IS attractive to men.
If you don't see him again, I suggest that you try different attitudes when you go on different dates. Be flirty on one, reserved on another, aggressive on a third, goofy on a fourth, etc, just to see where your seductive strengths lie.
Finally, my two cents about Match is that it's mostly a waste of time and money. It's full of inactive profiles. The only guys worth contacting are the ones who have been active within a week. Everyone else would have to sign-up for 6 months to read a message. If you want to try it, do the one-week free trial and make the most of it, then cancel.
Aww. *Hugs*
Totally hear ya on the dating thing sucking. I've been stood up twice already. Although, the second time the second guy made it up to me by meeting up with me later that evening, and it was enjoyable. :-) That said, I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere in particular.
Keep on trucking along, as I will.
Try a different tactic -- play hard to get. See if guys are willing to chase you. You don't have to be the one always proposing things. Let them take the lead, altho that is always difficult for someone who likes to be pro-active.
This Eric fellow does seem to have too many last minute emergencies -- could be true or could be dodges. Difficult to prove and questioning his trustworthiness is not a good start.
Seems like we have very similar personnalities and expectations regarding dating! I can totally relate to what you're saying.
Man that first date was really sweet the way you described it. Hope the guy texts you back, but the excuses he made do sound kind of lame. Have you heard from him yet?
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