I hung out with my friends the gay couple last Sunday night. I'm going to have to assign them names . . . oh boy. How about Howie and Adam. We went out for pizza and beer and talked. They were telling me about a young LGBT professionals group that they go to meetings for. I might have to check that out sometime. After dinner we went back and watched movies. But not just any movies . . . Howie is a self-professed connoisseur of horrible movies. So we watched "Blubberella," a movie by the ludicrous German director, Uwe Boll. It is probably the most tasteless, pointless, poorly acted, cobbled-together mess of a movie I have ever seen . . . and yet it is strangely hilarious at times. After doing a little reading I learned that the movie is a parody of Boll's own "Bloodrayne 3." A scene-for-scene parody. Starring many of the same actors. Filmed on the same sets. At the same time. Words cannot express how . . . nope, I've got nothing.
The rest of the unpublished entry was a bunch of blah about how I was feeling at the time, but I'm not feeling that way anymore so let's move on, shall we?
This weekend was all sorts of fun. Friday night I went out with a new guy. This one I'm on the fence about. He lives quite far away. About an hour without traffic (and there's always traffic in his direction). He's quite nerdy, which I don't really find attractive . . . I hate to say that since I'm not the most unnerdy guy in the world, but it is what it is. We did have quite a bit in common though. Came out and started dating about the same time. Were both in Madrid around the same time in 2010 (crazy, haha). He's from the same small desert town that my grandma used to live in. And we're both addicted to the TV show Supernatural. At the very least he has some friend potential. But my rule of thumb is, if the conversation is good and a guy seems like a good person, then I will give them at least 2 dates. I've only turned down a second date from one guy thus far, and that's because the conversation was just too awkward between us.
Saturday I met up with Alex, a guy of Italian heritage that I had met up with once previously. He's really cool. We went kayaking, which was a lot of fun. As usual with kayaking, I couldn't quite keep up (I need to work on my endurance). So I was definitely tired by the end of it! And super sore today. We ate at a delicious Mediterranean food place that is Alex's favorite restaurant. I'm not sure what Alex's feelings toward me are. I get the feeling I am squarely in the friend zone, which is okay. He's a nice guy and I'd like to hang out with him periodically. After that I hung out with my friend Tom. He has matured so much over the time that I have known him. While he still lives in a world of his own in a lot of ways, he is so much more pleasant to be around now that he has mellowed out significantly. I can honestly say I enjoy his company now that the dynamic of our friendship is a lot more balanced than it once was.
Today I hung out with Brody. He really impressed me today. We had lunch and then went to the beach. I brought along my guitar and played a bunch of songs for him (a bunch of the songs I have committed to memory, such as various tunes by Collective Soul, Pearl Jam, Oasis, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Stone Temple Pilots, and the Doobie Brothers). We hung out and talked and he then drove us back to his place. Before I left we talked some more and got into talking about gay dating. Brody really sounds like he's gotten quite jaded with guys in the LA and Orange County scene. He feels that both places are filled with superficial guys who care more about image and money than depth of relationships. He says that since moving to California he has been treated very cruelly by several people and has even considered moving back to the east coast. He views our new friendship as a breath of fresh air, as apparently I am one of the few genuinely nice, open-minded, and caring guys that he has met around here. That really melted my heart, haha. We also got into the subject of anxiety among gay men, which led me to vent a little about Ben and also question Brody a bit more about his OCDish episode. Turns out since we had the conversation about it last weekend he has definitely changed his mind about it. He realizes he was out of line and was even quite worried that he had messed up our friendship. I'll admit, if I wasn't such an open-minded and patient person I may have just run the other way after that. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Brody apologized for his behavior and promised to never do something like that again. I told him not to worry about it, all was forgiven. Now, I'm still not looking for anymore than friendship from Brody at this point. I do worry that he would be a tad too emotionally needy. But I'm enjoying getting to know him as a friend, and I'm glad to be a ray of sunshine in his thus-far rather gloomy perception of Southern California :-)
As for Ben, well the healing still continues. I actually cried a bit today for the first time in a while. First when I was thinking of him and how I wanted him back in my life someday (when I'm emotionally ready, I realize that may be a while). Then when I heard the song "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. That song is also one I played for Brody on the beach, so that'll be the song of the day.
1 comment:
I like that you still keep an open mind with guys, even ones that give you pause. You never really get to know someone over just a few dates or weeks together, you need to see them in a variety of situations.
You should continue to be honest with yourself what you are looking for, and if you continue to be your genuine self, I'm convinced you will find someone that you deserve. Even if these guys turn out to end as friends, they expand your social circle and they can give testimonial to your positive qualities.
I feel such empathy for you when you closed about crying today. It's OK to cry if you feel sad, it's a release and coping mechanism. It's also OK if you miss Ben as long as you continue to make progress getting past him.
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