Well, Saturday morning after the party I asked my friend to ask the girl for permission for him to give me her number (if that sentence made any sense at all). We'll see how that plays out. According to my roommate she was into me (going by her body language) and since he has had numerous girlfriends I figured he might know what he is talking about. I did not want to wait until the next party (especially since I would probably just wuss out again). Anyways, I anxiously await the next time I see my friend so I can find out what she said, and then I'll go from there. Hopefully this time it will work out better than it did the last time I tried this.
For a while I've been debating about whether I should talk to my mom about my current issues. She has always been the one that I have taken my problems to. I never really had many close friends that I could talk about serious things with growing up, so my mom has always been my number one confidante. Of course, with this particular issue I felt extremely uncomfortable going to her with it. She thinks of me as this perfect son and the last thing I wanted to do is shatter that image by admitting that I am questioning my sexuality. Plus sex is one topic we have never talked about. Well, after the experience at the party I decided this might be a good time to finally talk about it, since the scale had tipped to the straight side. My mom already knew I was going to counseling, and I'm sure she suspected that I had not disclosed the full reason for it yet. I told her Saturday that I was ready to talk with her about it sometime. First I told her about the party, and the girl, and then I talked to her about my low sex drive suspicions. I figured this might be good groundwork for the discussion to come.
She came into my room the next morning after I had woken up, while I was still lying in bed. She asked if I wanted to talk about it. I was not expecting her to be the one to pick the time and place, and I almost said no. Then I decided it was as good a time as any. So, I used the compass metaphor, about how sex drive is like the needle, blah blah blah, and it's hard to tell which way it points when it's not very strong to begin with. I told her I had experienced attractions to both guys and girls in the past, but in different ways.
Long story short, she took it very well as I had hoped she would. I was rather surprised at how supportive she was (and I really shouldn't have been). She agrees with me that I probably won't be able to figure it all out until I get some experience dating. And she said the magic words: "All I want is for you to be happy." She also agreed that it was probably not the time to talk to my dad about it. I've never been as close to my dad as I am to my mom. In addition he seems to see the world more in black and white than my mom does.
In any case, I guess my next step is to see what happens with this girl, if anything.
3 comments:
Glad your mom took it so well and was so supportive. Seriously! I can't imagine saying what you did to my mom- you have guts, and that's a lot. I'd say you did more than just inching forward.
Thanks! Yeah, I realized later that was a bit of an understatement. I think my uncertainty actually made it a little easier. Hopefully her reaction would be the same were I to decide definitively that I were bisexual or gay.
Yay! Good for you, it seems like things are working out well so far. I like your compass analogy, quite fitting.
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