Marching on (pun intended)

Well, I got accepted to the teaching program. I'm trying to psych myself up about the profession, but me being me, there's still a lot that has me worried (especially with what's been going on in Wisconsin). Still, I greatly want a meaningful career and not just something boring that pays the bills. And I won't force myself to stay in it if after a few years I'm unhappy for some reason. I've been studying for the CSET, which has reminded me of how fascinating biology is as a whole. The past couple of years I haven't really thought much about topics such as evolution, molecular biology and genetics. Revisiting that stuff reminds me of how amazing life really is. While browsing at Barnes & Noble today I came across a Manga guide to molecular biology. It was basically an anime-style graphic novel in which the characters explain topics ranging from cell structure to DNA transcription and translation to bioengineering. Whatever it takes to get people interested, I guess, haha.

On the other front, I'm still debating my next move. I'm thinking of asking my friend to accompany me to a gay bar or something, just to see what I think of it. I really REALLY wish I had more of a sex drive. I was watching YouTube videos of various guys and their coming out stories, and so many of them said things like, "I knew I was gay since I was about 12" or "I started having sexual thoughts about guys when I hit puberty." Most of them seem to have never questioned WHETHER they were gay. It was simply a matter of accepting it and being open with it. I would love to be able to unequivocally say I'm gay. My asexual tendencies are rather paralyzing. For those who don't know what I mean when I say that, I mean sex is not a driving force for me. I don't crave it, I don't fantasize about it, and as far as I can remember I've never desired it. I'm not opposed to it, but since I'm not particularly driven to have it I worry about what it would be like to try to date someone with a normal sex drive. Men are generally more sexual than women. Gay men are already dealing with a much smaller dating pool then straight men. What would a gay-leaning asexual be left with? Is a greater physical attraction toward men reason enough to date them if you don't really desire sex with them? Of course, someone suggested in a previous comment that sometimes desire can appear in the proper context. Hopefully that's the case with me.