Unfortunately our time is limited currently as he works weekends and we live quite far from each other. Still, I'd like to keep seeing him. I have a chemistry and repor with him that is quite enjoyable.
I seem to have reached a new breakthrough in my interminable recovery from being dumped, which happened more than 10 months ago now. I exchanged friendly emails with Ben over the holiday, and I was a lot less distant and more friendly than I was last time. I left him with my hope that he would eventually be ready to work with me to achieve a friendship, but I said that now was not quite the time. I don't know if this had anything to do with making me feel better, but in a way it felt like taking the power back. I also suggested that perhaps some day he and his boyfriend could check out one of my improv shows after we're back on good terms. I hope to be able to count both of them among my friends eventually. I'm getting better at not dwelling on all the crap. If I want their friendship I'm going to have to just forgive.
Other than Ron dating has kind of slowed. I was getting too discouraged and I realized too much of the dating I did this year was about me trying to find a replacement boyfriend to heal the hurt and loneliness. I'm easing back now. I like Ron so I'll keep seeing him, but I'm keeping my expectations in check. There's still the instinct to compare, but I'm trying to fight it.
That's it for now!
9 comments:
It may seem slow, but you are making progress. You are actively acknowledging your inner motivations and that's providing you with insight.
How was your thanksgiving?
I understand to appear or be the bigger person, you want to be friends with your ex and his boyfriend. But have you thought carefully, if it really matters. Do you really need them in your life. There is no need to be friends, just for the sake of being friends.
Fan of casey: My Thanksiving was nice and relaxing, thanks. Good to spend time with my parents, and going home solo this time was one of the last bits of "reclaiming" there was to do.
Mind of Mind: I understand your concern. I won't hang too much hope on it working out. But I genuinely like Ben as a person and I always intended us to be friends if we didn't work out. It wouldn't just be for the sake of being the bigger man (I already know I am, haha). It's something I at least want to try someday. But I'll go in with no expectations.
I'm not sure this offers you much comfort, but the difficulty in finding "Ben's replacement" may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Because of the the tight connection you felt, anyone by comparison was likely going to be a rebound guy. Someone that could have advanced your healing quicker, but also given you a false sense of security that he was the next right guy for you. It would be have been convenient and that's not to say you could not have developed something right away, but the likelihood for something lasting was probably low.
It's better you get over the hurt yourself vs. relying on someone else to validate you. Now, with a fresh start, I feel like you are searching for your next relationship for the right reason.
You have lots to offer, so it's OK to be selective.
Glad that things went well with Ron. :-)
And it's hard to cut off a friendship. I know. Do what you can to keep what friendship you have with Ben, but it'll take effort on his end as well.
SCRF: Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season spent with family and friends.
Thank you so much! Same to you!
Looks like your moving on. that is good. :)
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