Face to Face(book)

I was starting to get frustrated with the back and forth with my Facebook acquaintance. Today I logged onto Facebook at work and noticed that he was online. So, I sent him a chat message. I figured catching him live would be the best way to set up a day for us to meet. He responded, but unfortunately we're both pretty busy for the next couple weeks. He suggested just chatting online for now, so I talked to him for a little while. Too bad I was at work, because I couldn't really have an in depth conversation. It got a little awkward when he started asking me questions like "Have you ever been with a guy?" (No), "Do you find men attractive?" (Yes), "Are you nervous about being with a guy?" and "Are you just as sexually attracted to girls?" (At that point I told him it wasn't the best time for this discussion, though the answers would be Yes and No) The whole time I was chatting with him I was on edge, hopefully my coworker didn't notice too much.

He also told me a little about himself, including that he figured out he was gay between the ages of 8 and 12. How anyone figures it out that early is hard for me to understand, but I guess that's just because I only have my own experience to go off of. He described his first kiss with a guy as "intense" and "awesome." In any case, now that I've chatted with him a bit I feel more confident that a live meet-up will actually pan out, assuming our schedules ever align. I'm going to New Jersey/NYC for work later this week, but hopefully when I come back we can work something out.

This guy isn't just a random Facebook acquaintance that happens to be gay. He's actually the first openly gay guy that I ever had a crush on (though I didn't know him personally at the time). In fact, I mentioned him briefly in the very first posting on this blog. We worked in the same general vicinity and had some friends in common. I would occasionally see him at work social events, at lunch, or at the gym. I don't remember how I found out he was gay, but I remember thinking he was very attractive. One time at a social event, I happened to make eye contact with him briefly from a distance and I got butterflies. Later on I switched positions and gyms so I didn't see him anymore. However, he happened to attend a work holiday party with a friend and I finally got to meet him. I chatted a little bit with him and his friend and added them both on Facebook. I remember being so excited that I actually met him and friended him, haha.

After that we had no further contact, though I noticed through his Facebook updates that he was in a serious relationship. I still think he's hot, and am excited to meet him again in person and maybe even become friends with him. Who knows, maybe with his encouragement and/or connections I can accelerate my progress towards coming to terms with my sexuality.

Other news: I've been applying the T ointment daily in hopes of increasing my sex drive to normal levels. Hard to say if it's having an effect . . . at times I felt like maybe it was. Or maybe it was a placebo effect. Not that it matters, any change for the better would be OK with me.

I've been trying to suppress a bit of an obsessive thinking pattern regarding my age. 27 is not that old, but I feel so behind the game with sexuality (and career too). I keep wishing I was still in my early twenties. All the more reason to get these things resolved once and for all.

Finally, here's some pics of Henry Cavill. I just picked up the Men's Health with him on the cover. I'm gonna have to see "The Immortals." He's in it, and so is Kellan Lutz.