Still around, and all over the place

Hey y'all,

It's been a while. I've been going through another stressful period as I've been struggling (again) to come to a decision. It's approaching the time when I need to apply to the teaching credential programs if it's what I want to do. I talked to a guy that I've known since elementary school a little while ago. He's in his first year as a teacher at a school in the district we went through, and he's loving it. He told me about his experiences in his credential program, and how he was placed in a pretty tough school with difficult students. He did really well and enjoyed it. I'm not sure I'd be the same way in such difficult circumstances, and I guess that's the major source of my apprehension. What if I couldn't get a job in a good school? What if I'm not good at classroom management? Teaching seems to be a very polarizing profession (some love it, some hate it). What if I end up on the wrong side of the divide?

There's some things that appeal to me about teaching at that level, though. I like the idea of being the first (and possibly only) person to introduce kids to various science concepts. I like the idea of trying to improve science literacy, even in people who won't go on to take another science class in their life. I like the idea of possibly being the one to first interest someone in science. In response to Aek's comment at the end of the last entry: yeah, teaching undergrads has it's definite benefits. More depth, for one. And I was always saying before, I'd rather teach people who actually want to be there. But the reality is, the university level job market is so ridiculously saturated that the chances of getting a faculty position are extremely small. And even if you're one of the lucky ones, you have to be willing to pack up and move wherever. I'm realizing that it's important to me to be able to live near my friends and family (at least those that don't move away themselves, cough, Mom and Dad, cough), and that's okay.

Though I am still worried that high school teaching will prove too stressful for me, I've talked to enough people that love it to be encouraged. And I know that if I didn't like it, it's not the end of the world. I'll just try something else. I admit, in the past week my mind has been all over the place. Doing the PhD after all (no, I haven't turned them down yet, argh), doing something in health care like optometry, applying to a different field for grad school like clinical psychology, becoming a school psychologist, all of these things have gone through my mind. This has gone on far too long. I just need to PICK something and live with the consequences of my choice, hoping for the best. If it doesn't work out, then I'll take it from there. Being in this state of mind is not good. I admit, on the morning of the CBEST test (for teaching credential), part of me was hoping my car would break down so I'd miss the test and be forced to wait another year, thus giving me more time to think. It's always more time that I want. More time. Oh, if I only had more time, I could look into this career, or that career! I've read my career books and taken personality assessments, trying to get something other than myself to make the decision for me (I'm a Myers-Briggs INFJ, by the way, at least I think so). Maybe I should change the title of my blog to "Introspection Only Gets You So Far" since it seems to be becoming a recurring theme.

Phew, venting done. So even though my mind has been in many directions lately, currently I'm planning on going through with the teaching thing. It seems to be most in line with what I value (science, education, family).