Bad faith

I've realized the major issue I'm dealing with has changed. Before I was struggling with the question of whether I'm attracted to guys. Now I've pretty much accepted that I am. So now the major issue is whether I can be attracted to girls enough to still pursue them. I do periodically meet girls that I like. There's just a lot less of the physical attraction that I feel toward certain guys.

I don't know whether to simply be a slave to physical attraction, though. I learned recently about Jean-Paul Satre's concept of "bad faith." Basically, one is guilty of bad faith if he believes that his path in life is predetermined by forces beyond his control. Of course, our choices are constricted by our circumstances, which existentialists refer to as our "facticity." But we are still free to choose between a number of options, and it is bad faith to claim that external forces make the choice for us. Thus, me claiming that I must live a gay lifestyle because I have an attraction towards men would be bad faith. In this way, one could argue that being gay is a choice, so to speak. The attractions are not chosen, but the behavior, the lifestyle, is. I think this is one of the major misunderstandings between the two sides of the gay rights issue. They have different interpretations of "choice." I think the sides arguing about whether or not homosexuality is a choice is pretty counter-productive.

Speaking of the two sides, I guess there were a number of Prop 8 protests yesterday. I have mixed feelings about them. For one thing, why couldn't all of those people mobilize like this before the election? I don't really understand what they hope to accomplish now, other than pissing off the religious right even more. On the other hand, it seems like a fair number of straight people are attending the protests too, which shows it's an issue that is important to more than just those that are directly affected by it.

It's been about a year since I started reading blogs. I feel like I've made progress, though not as much as I would like. Time is of the essence, and I'd really like to choose a side before my 20s are gone. Sigh.