Deer in the headlights

That's what I felt like at the end of my first date ever. Yes, my first date ever. Let me back track.

So, I got Jenny's number, and I gave her a call last week. Asked her if she wanted to go out, and she said ok. So we did, dinner and a movie, the old classic combo. Went pretty well. She's really nice, and has a good sense of humor. One thing I was nervous about was running out of things to talk about and having to sit in awkward silence. That didn't happen luckily. Dinner was good, the movie was good.

After the movie I had been planning to see if she wanted to hang around the area for a while, maybe get some dessert. She declined, though I wasn't sure whether that was because she was full or because she just wanted to go home. Anyways, I realized at that point I had no idea how to end a date. Probably should have asked if she wanted to go out again sometime, but instead what came out of my mouth was more along the lines of "see you next time" (yes, I know) which obviously makes it sound like I'm not interested. The truth is, I'm not sure whether I should continue to pursue her. We didn't seem to have too many common interests as far as movies, music, etc. I couldn't tell whether she felt a connection with me. I'm not even sure whether to expect such a connection on a first date. Should we have hit it off and been fast friends? It could just be that she's shy like me. I figure I might follow the advice of my friend's girlfriend, who suggested I wait a few days and then call Jenny and ask her if she wants to go out again. The way I see it, if someone says yes to a first date, that just means that the person is interested in you based on a first impression, or is just being nice. But if they say yes to a second date, that seems like it would mean a lot more, and probably shows they have real interest in you. So, we'll see. It's experience, if nothing else.

Of course I was hoping going on an actual date would clear up the confusion. Probably a little much to hope for. At this point I'm not so sure whether I might be gay. I definitely have some kind of interest in looking at some guys but I'm not sure if that could translate into any kind of a relationship. Imagining myself dating a guy just doesn't seem quite right. Whether that's just mainstream society talking, I don't know. At least I have some degree of forward momentum along the road of figuring it out. I just need to make sure I keep moving and don't stall.